


Loneliness is a Part of Living.

by VULTURECHEST



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, Abuse Mentions, Depression and anxiety (some), F/F, Kara still has powers, Slow Burn, Some angst, SuperCorp, University, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-01-20 11:26:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12431835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VULTURECHEST/pseuds/VULTURECHEST
Summary: Kara feels low one night at a party and meets Lena, they talk and become friends. Despite facing hardships through secrecy and family pressures, they fall for eachother.Basically Kara meets Alex's hot friend and can't stop herself falling no matter the consequences.





	1. Alone

There was something isolating about having a secret kept from those you spend every day with. Kara felt lonelier than she ever thought possible in this moment, sat outside in the cold. She assumed it must have been cold due to the humans running around shivering. Calling them humans wasn’t helping much with the loneliness if she was honest. There was a drink in her hand - water - and she sat upon a wet wall outside of “the biggest freshman house party in history”. Tears dribbled down her face as she felt the break down coming again.

The house was packed with students; freshmen and some older. Kara could only smell alcohol and B.O., hear uncomfortable pick-up lines and see the mess that was the hormonal grinding of young people without a care in the world. She set down her plastic cup. The sensations entrapped her, somehow she was sweating on the makeshift dance floor and losing all sense of balance. With the flashing light all she could see were cities in flames then asteroids bashing into her personal space, knocking her around the room, around her galaxy like a pin ball, shifting her realities. Slamming into a poor drunk boy, sending him across the floor sent her speeding out and hoping she didn’t break much in her panic. There was no one here for her that she could turn to. That hurt her the most. Alex was at this school but probably writing a thousand words on her latest extra research project - so not available. Eliza was likely working too. There were five of her dorm mates at this party but they didn’t know her, not really. Honestly, they never would either. No one other than her family would ever be there for her; two people with their own lives and responsibility were the only two people in the world who could have an honest conversation with Kara. Even with them talking about the devastation and trauma of being trapped in space for twenty four years after losing everything was too dark of a subject most of the time.

It breaks her every time. Kara just sits there and cries. Somehow, knowing she has the strength to lift a bus, she can’t find the same strength in her to lift her body up to walk ten minutes back home where she can sleep - or weep - with some privacy. After a few minutes, about three groups of girls have come over to check she hasn’t gone through anything too traumatic before walking off when she says she’s fine - “Don’t worry, I’m ju-just…waiting for my ride.”. Then another girl comes over, just sits down beside her in an expensive looking pair of jeans on the wet brick wall. Kara looks up to her briefly in her attempt to stop her crying but pays little attention.

Next to her she can smell smoke as the girl lights a cigarette. 

After inhaling and breathing out after a second, the girl - the black haired, black jeans wearing, smelling like roses girl - speaks confidently but softly, close to Kara’s ear but not too close as if she doesn’t want to spook a scared child. It's a pretty accurate comparison. “Do you want one? They might be bad for you but they sober you up, distract you from crying…” Kara feels like she’s being watched, she also feels comforted, oddly, by this stranger. It warms her chest. There’s a slight intensity as she lifts her gaze to look at the woman. “I’m Lena by the way.” she smiles warmly and flicks some ash from her cigarette. The action makes Kara’s chest feel tight for some reason.

“No thank you…Lena, my sister is a medical student and my foster mom’s a doctor, I think they’d kill me for smoking.” It wouldn’t harm her but they are protective. Lena smiles but looks away briefly. When she looks back their eyes meet and she responds with a light laugh.

“No it’s fair enough, if my brother was still around he’d be batting this out of my hand.” Kara laughs politely, she’s not sure if Lena just overshared or what her reaction should be.Social etiquette still isn't her forte. Neither is english apparently as she struggles to say anything more. Lena does it for her as Kara just sniffles a little. “So, you were in that ‘insane party’? Was it that bad that it drove you out here alone?” Her tone was more careful now. It was difficult not to just spill all of her secrets but Kara had to think about who she was; what that meant. Instead she just smiled and fiddled with her glasses.

“I’m fine, I just got overwhelmed…Homesickness! You know? First year of college and everything…” Kara looks down. There’s a bad taste in her mouth from lying, from keeping all the darkness inside. 

Lena doesn’t believe her. She quirks her eyebrow and finishes her cigarette (surprisingly quickly) and speaks with some amusement. “There’s a lot to experience this year…Sadly loneliness is a big one. You seem like the friendly type though…but you’re alone in the freezing cold right now. What was your name?” Lena quirks a brow. It’s oddly enticing.

“Kara.” That was the only speck of truth she had left. 

“Kara? As in Kara Danvers?” Lena looked surprised and oddly excited. Kara got a little anxious that she might have been seen on the news breaking her bed frame trying to look for socks last week. Weird thoughts come from fear she’s realised.

“Um..yeah.” There wasn’t much to say.

“Sorry, it sounds creepy like that, you’re just Alex Danvers’ baby sister! Alex loves you. She never stopped talking about you at STEM parties last year.” Lena looked happy about that, as if it was the most ludicrous thing she’d ever heard of, someone being loved by their family. 

“No, don’t worry. I just didn’t realise Alex would know you. It’s a small Earth- world, small world.” Kara laughed nervously, Lena didn’t seem to notice. With that they were quiet for a while as they shared the silence. Lena shivered a few times but in her current state, Kara didn’t want to touch anything, anyone, breakable. 

“I kind of think I should head home now, it was nice to meet you, Lena, thanks for trying to cheer me up.”

They both stood up facing each other, not knowing whether they needed to end this conversation with a formal goodbye. 

“It was nice meeting you, Kara. Make sure you get home safe, you seem shaken up. Even if it’s something seemingly small…stay safe. I have to go back inside and make sure my house doesn’t get destroyed.” 

“This is your house? “ Kara was slightly shocked, Lena didn’t seem like someone who’d throw a party for some crazed freshmen.

“Yeah it is unfortunately, I share it with some girls from the hockey team and they are admittedly wild.” Lena smiled, amused. “Tell Alex I said hi…and is it okay if I take your number, just because it’s 2am and you’re walking home alone…”Lena looked oddly nervous to Kara, as if this wasn’t a good gesture, as if Kara would be offended at the notion. Although she definitely didn’t need the protection considering her abilities, she threw Lena a bone, she seemed like the kind of person you should try your utmost to know. Lena was enigmatic. Looking at her now, without the cigarette or the distraction of her own snot and tears, Kara saw how Lena shown under the dim lights, her face soft but hiding what seemed like years of introspection. There was a clarity and intelligence in her eyes that sparked Kara’s interest as well as a vulnerability. Poetry seemed to be filling her brain, kryptonian and English just to describe what she was seeing, she ignored the internal rambling to instead reassure her wall companion.

“Sure, thank you for sitting with me, I think maybe that’s all I needed.” False. Lying was a part of making friends for Kara. She put her number in Lena’s phone, with a blue heart emoji next to it. She didn’t really think about it, she just wanted Lena to be more comfortable having the nerve to text her and an emoji seemed like a good plan. After Lena gave her a text and Kara added her number they parted ways. Each sneaking a look back at the other. Kara listened to Lena’s heart beat for a few minutes before she decided to think about food instead, wanting a distraction from her breakdown. She had some left over pizza at home dying to be eaten. The idea perked her up a little. When she got into the door, the first thing she did was text Lena.

Kara: I’m home safe, thanks for sitting with me, you’ll get merit points from Alex, I’m sure! <3

When Lena saw it, she’d basically been looking at her phone for the last ten minutes to hear that Kara was safe. The fact that Kara actually texted her (and sent a heart) made Lena smile wider than she had in a while.

Lena: Good to hear! I hope you don’t have a hangover tomorrow, I might have to snitch to your sister xx

If Kara would send a heart, Lena’d send kisses. Just to see where it led. It’s not like Lena was expecting something more than friendship from Kara, nor did she want it right now. She just wanted to make more friends. Half the hockey team were her exes so most friend activities were off limits plus her family wasn’t much company these days. Having someone new in her life would be good for her and form what Kara showed that night, Kara needed a real friend too. Even if it was likely easier for her to find one than it was for Lena. 

Both girls texted for a while longer, learning a little more about each’s subjects and quirks. They fell a sleep feeling lighter than in weeks.


	2. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Kara's first "date" and a look at Alex and Lena's friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

Lena had been up since dawn, sleep didn’t come easily to her and there was a lot of studying to do. That was her life and lately it was sort of lonely. She’d left any clubs from the year before so friends like Alex Danvers and Lucy Lane weren’t seen much. She was hoping that she could become good friends with Kara. 

They’d been texting non stop for a few days and she was everything Lena expected her to be the first night that they had spoken. There was something about her that made Lena feel like she could tell her anything already which was dangerous, Lena didn’t trust herself with those kind of feelings. They usually led to more which she didn’t have the energy for right now. Speaking to Kara did give her hope that maybe she could make a friend who had nothing to do with her academics. Lena wasn’t sure what Kara was studying but making a friend who was more than someone to discuss assignments with would be refreshing to say the least.

She lost her train of thought on her latest assignment as she got a text. Oddly it was from Alex Danvers. Briefly she worried Alex found out about Kara before realising that was the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard, second only to the idea of another student texting her before 10am.

Alex: Hey can i ask you a question?

The lack of surety was disarming and Lena was hesitant to answer. Alex was the bluntest person she’d ever met. Shyness and Alex Danvers didn’t go together. 

Lena: Of course, as long as it isn’t about biochemistry ;)

Alex: No, I’d never put you through that, lol. No I was wondering if you knew a Maggie Sawyer. I think she might be on the hockey team or something so I thought you would know.

Lena: Yeah, I know her. Is there a reason you’re tracking her down.

There was a wait for a reply and Lena didn’t really know where this was going. What did Alex need with Maggie? Maggie was great but she was in Criminology and didn’t play any of the same sports as Alex so there wasn’t really any connection Lena could think of. She herself only knew Maggie because she’d dated her dorm roommate, Kate, who’d left to join the military. They were cute beyond repair but family drama had got in the way, both of them not being in the place to be in a relationship. Lena still saw Maggie at parties and such. In fact Maggie owed her a pack of cigarettes.

Alex: No particular reason. :)

Lena: You sure? Do you want me to give her your number? I might need an explanation as to why a stranger needs it though. 

Alex: I’m not a stranger, we were just going to see a movie and I realised I didn’t write a number down.

Lena: Really?

She didn’t want to pry but when you lived with most of the hockey team and hadn’t kissed a girl in three months, lesbian gossip was sort of like a holy grail. Although, Lena didn’t know whether Alex was gay. If she wasn’t then Lena resigned to never understanding straight people.

Alex didn’t reply which made Lena think she might have spooked her. Maybe this was a recent development. If so it was a little awkward for them both. 

Lena: Sorry, none of my business! You don’t have to elaborate, I’ll give you her number. :)

Alex: Thank you! I appreciate it. Are you going to Xavier’s tonight?

They continued small talk or small text - whatever - until they didn’t feel the need to catch up anymore. Lena was still curious as to why Alex was up at 5:30AM but Alex Danvers was obsessed with staying “fighting fit” (literally) so she was probably working out. Lena thought about asking Kara about Alex being gay to satiate her curiosity but thought against it, imagining if someone had outed her to Lex and what would happen. Kara didn’t seem like she’d be anything but accepting but it was Alex who’d suffer if she wasn’t ready or happy with herself. Especially if Kara turned out to be difficult. 

Lena didn’t believe that Kara could be hateful or even ignorant for a second. Thoughts like that made her try to be more realistic. Putting a pretty girl on a pedestal was never good for anyone. Particularly a girl you’ve only just met who are related to one of your only friends.

Speak of the devil, Kara texted her at 8am, two Danvers in one day was impressive. 

Kara: Hey, this may be weird but are you free for lunch today? x

She had some studying to do but she always had studying to do. She decided making a new friend was worth skipping out on extra study time. 

Lena: Would love to :) x

Already starting to worry about what to wear, she continued the conversation, both of them going off on tangents as they tried to figure out the best place to eat lunch. You learned a lot about a person from what food they ordered. Kara would learn that Lena is a little insane with her vegetables and Lena would learn to pick a bigger table to accommodate Kara’s appetite. 

_

Seeing Lena, Kara jogged up to her outside of some new health food restaurant Lena had recommended that Kara couldn’t say no to. For some reason she just wanted to impress her new friend. It wasn’t healthy but she couldn't help it. She was just so…cool? It was like being in the presence of the most popular girl in school.

She was wearing skinny black jeans, a burgundy shirt with two- no - three buttons undone and a denim jacket, her hair was loose unlike the last time Kara had seen her. Kara felt underdressed somehow in her white button down, blue sweater and grey jeans. Lena was wearing expensive heels and Kara was wearing white vans. Perfect distinction between their personalities if she was honest.

“Hey! Sorry to steal you from whatever you were doing but I just wanted some company.” Kara briefly looked shy, fiddling with her glasses.

Lena somehow held it together, taking in Kara’s outfit and trying not to choke. She just looked good, really good. It took her too long to answer, trying not to check her new friend out.

“N-no worries! I had nothing else going on, if I did I probably would have cancelled anyway.” She sighed. Getting over herself, she continued. “Did you have work today or something, you’re dressed awfully smart.” 

“Um, I have work later but I have a uniform, i guess I just like wearing this kind of stuff? Is it weird?” For a second Kara worried that her five years on Earth were a lie and she had no idea how to dress herself. Was she dressed like a teacher? Was Lena actually like the High School popular girl and was she going to stop wanting to be her friend. An anxiety attack was closely coming. Luckily Lena piped in. 

“No, you look good! Don’t worry, you just look really well put together for a college freshman. I’d think you were a TA or something.” She paused. “In the best possible way of course” Reassuring Kara was awkward at best, telling someone you think is hot that their outfit is hot is strange. She’s not really ever had friendly conversations like this but that was because she’d barely had friends. 

They went into the restaurant. Kara was astounded at the low price and even more astounded when Lena offered to take the bill from the start. 

“Kara don’t worry, I’m rich, it’s fine.” Lena winked at her. Kara found the admission slightly strange but continued to argue. 

“Lena, it’s fine, you don’t have to tell you’re new friends you’re rich and pay for their stuff, i don’t care if you’re rich I invited you.” Kara was a little bit confused at the situation. Was she supposed to just say yes to the free meal? She wasn’t rolling in money but she was okay. Did all Earthlings with money have to do this?

“Did you not already know I was rich? Sorry, I thought you would know who I was so I just said it. It’s kind of like a joke, making fun of myself, you know?” She looked a little panicked and Kara now did too. Was Lena someone important? Was she royalty? No Kara was pretty sure the USA didn’t have royalty. This was stressful.

“Was I supposed to know who you are?” Lena looked a little shocked. “Not that you aren’t important, obviously, I meant -“ Kara sighed. ”Just tell me…” Lena laughed at her a little bit before speaking. Kara was blushing hard.

“It’s not the best thing to know to be honest. It’s refreshing that you actually don’t.” She looked down and she tightened a jaw a little as if admitting her celebrity identity was difficult for her. Then Kara realised why. “I’m Lena Luthor, as in…little sister of Lex Luthor. I’m sure you know who that it.”

Kara was shocked to say the least. Mainly because she wasn’t aware that a Luthor had befriended her and they were notorious alien haters. She knew Clark would be telling her to stay safe but Lena wasn’t her family and Kara didn’t want to be like all of the people who made Lena ashamed to admit who she was. They were going to be friends and this wasn’t going to get in the way. 

“Um, yeah…but that doesn’t really matter to me. We aren’t our families.” Perhaps it was too sincere but it was needed. She became stuck thinking of her own family for a moment, then Lena was saying her name. 

“Kara are you okay? “ Kara shook it off and smiled brightly. 

“Of course! Let’s look at the menu.” Lena was worried slightly by the changing of the subject but let it go. A first lunch date with a friend was not ideal for talking about maniac brothers or even regular family troubles.

They ate and didn’t touch the subject again. The news came on the TV in the corner, showing a case of a robbery situation. It seemed to affect Kara and Lena asked to have the channel changed. She was denied but Kara said it was the thought that counted. It was odd behaviour but Lena didn’t know Kara, violence and crime were difficult for anyone to witness. Lena did become more curious talking to Kara, she had quirks. She lost her words easily and idioms were taken to new places when she used them. Her favourite example was “ Until the cats come home.”. Apparently cats were cuter than cows. Lena was being charmed somehow and it wasn’t scary to her. Even if she felt fluttering in her chest when she noticed Kara listened like no one ever had before. The idea of falling for the girl in front of her seemed like an impossible thing to resent or fight. 

Kara found herself blushing an odd amount around Lena. Her teasing was strangely enticing and her smile made her feel as if she was succeeding at something she didn’t know she’d set out to do. It wasn’t unwelcome. They spoke in the restaurant for two hours, both had studying to do but these moments seemed more important. Neither wanted to admit they had other commitments out of fear of being sent away. 

Even though Lena wasn’t aware Kara was an alien, Kara felt like she was being herself fully, occasionally she’d try to make herself seem cooler than she was but she felt at ease with Lena.

“Justin Timberlake is the only man I’ve ever loved.” Lena joked and Kara laughed too hard. 

“You’re not exactly the romantic then, I hope he feels the same way.” Kara winked. Having more confidence as the conversation went on. Lena realised what she’d said. Was she going to awkwardly come out and make things uncomfortable? It would be a good idea before they became closer. She could also scope Kara’s reaction to maybe help out Alex. If she ruined this friendship, she’s probably never going to leave her room again but she had to be authentic.

“Actually, I’m very romantic…just not with men.” Lena smirked despite herself. Kara’s face went through a few stages as she tried to process. The initial being confusion as she tried to understand what she meant but then she caught up pretty quickly. Lena’s favourite stage was the reflection on their conversation and the ‘Were the any hints?’ Questioning. 

Despite her journey, Kara replied finally.

“Oh, right. That’s cool. I’m a little shocked but I guess I just don’t know that many lesbians.”

She thought anyway. The barista from her work did always get a free drink to a different girl coming in but Kara attributed that to plain old friendship. Lucy might just be a player. 

Lena was relieved that she didn’t have to end a blossoming friendship.

“I’m really happy you were cool, I was scared we couldn't be friends otherwise.” 

Kara nodded.

“Well if I was friends with someone who wouldn’t accept people like you, anyone different really, I couldn’t stay friends with them either.” There was a short silence as they both thought briefly about what people saw them as and what they refused to see. 

“I’m not really out to my family. By not really I mean, I had Megan fox posters on my wall as a teenager but they never figured it out.” She laughed.

“Sly. My sister just had Barenaked Ladies posters.” Lena’s eyes widened briefly. Kara’s too as she realised her slip up. “The band, Alex isn’t a lesbian.” Kara laughed at her own slip up but Lena still looked a little strange. 

She took a sip of her coffee before speaking. 

“Yeah, I doubt your Mom would have appreciated actual bare naked women plastered all over her walls.” They Both laughed. Kara more cringing at the idea of Eliza’s reaction to that.

“Eliza would not be happy. Not because they were women, more so that she’s not into rated R products. She still doesn’t approve of me and Alex watching Game of Thrones.” Lena’s eyes lit up at the mention of Game of Thrones and they talked about the books, Lena comparing them to the show whilst Kara explained that she couldn't get past the first one. Neither minded. They’d both read every Harry Potter so they were happy discussing every little detail. 

Eventually they parted ways, hugging briefly as Lena tried not to make a joke about Kara eating everything the restaurant had to offer. Kara instead tried not to get distracted by Lena’s perfume. 

Walking home separately, they almost missed one another already. Kara was giddy and oblivious, happy to have made a friend whilst Lena was realising she’d succumb to the straight girl crush. She found she didn’t care. She’s never had a friend so open and kind. It was odd but she saw them being good for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, leave a comment or kudos :)


	3. She Just Makes Me Happy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keeping up appearances is never easy, as a hero or as a Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, there are brief mentions of abuse in this chapter. Brief mention of a parent hitting their child and some emotional abuse.

Alex was cleaning dishes. Since starting College she was certain she spent more time cleaning dishes than actually learning. She mainly ate take out, how did she even use this many plates? Luckily her chores were interrupted. Maggie’d texted her back about the trip to the movies. She’d gotten her number yesterday and finally got the courage to use it this afternoon.

Maggie: Hey, I have a date tomorrow but will Thursday be okay for the movies? 

Something shifted in her chest as she read the words. It was unclear but she refused to say she was jealous already when they’d barely started being friends. 

Alex: Yeah, totally! See you there, if you aren’t busy with your wedding ;)

Why did she even say that? Was that funny? Does that make sense? Making friends was stressful when they weren’t just nerds. When they were cool and played on two sports teams, had dates lined up all week…Maggie was so cool.

Maggie took a little while to reply.

Maggie: Yeah it isn’t until next week, jokester ;)

Alex was in clear with her bad jokes. She was a real mess at this. 

They continued talking for a while before Maggie stopped to go finish some assignment. Alex was annoyed at still having to do dishes. None of her roommates were home. All of them seemed to be out a lot lately, half had relationships and the others just seemed to flip between working and partying. She could respect that. Eliza had accused her of borderline alcoholism recently. Only the need to prove her mother wrong was keeping her from the club tonight. It wasn’t healthy but it wasn’t an addiction, she just needed to get away from her responsibilities sometimes. She did still have lunch at least three times a week with Kara and they talked on the phone almost every day. The past few weeks, they had missed a few lunches but they were both busy. Alex had been getting drinks with Maggie the past two weeks. 

They played pool and talked a little. The occasion was a group activity but her and Maggie seemed to always find themselves in a corner talking and taking shots. For someone so short Maggie was impressive. A few girls gave her dirty looks in that bar since but she wasn’t exactly sure why. Maggie was a lesbian but not every girl had dated her. Had they? Whatever it wasn’t as if Alex was into her anyway. It isn’t like she’d repeating those words like a mantra since they’d met. Since she first made Maggie laugh.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a banging at her door. It sounded as if the person was attempting to break it down. For a second she approached the door with suspicion until she heard Kara’s voice on the other end. Her sister needed to work on her strength.

Opening the door, Kara smiled shyly before coming in and hugging her. Alex had missed their lunch yesterday but had mentioned her house would be empty all night. Kara must have decided it was the perfect setting for sister night. 

When they separated Kara spoke. 

“Alex, sorry for coming at short notice, well - no notice - but you mentioned your house was empty and it’s been forever!” Kara looked a little desperate. Maybe she’d broken someone’s nose again and needed advice. There wasn’t really much advice beyond ‘Forget it happened and block them on social media’ but if her sister needed her then she was accommodate her.

“It’s okay…are you okay?” Alex tried to speak softly as she led her sister to the lounge of her house. It turned out to be cheaper in National city to find an old house and rent it out with a bunch of couples and rich kids than move back into dorms for a second year so that’s what her and a few of her friends had done. 

They sat down. 

“Yeah, I’m fine, sorry…it’s just been eventful the last few days.” Kara looked down briefly. “I made a new friend actually…” Alex perked up. Her sister would always be everything to her but it was nice when Kara had other forms of support; for the both of them. 

“Really? That doesn't surprise me.” Alex smiled reassuringly. “It’s not some stoner that you out-ate in a competition is it?” Alex giggled. It was sort of weird how nervous Kara was getting about telling her about a new friend. 

“She’s really nice and cooler than me but I’m not sure how much you’ll approve…” Alex didn’t know how to respond. Why wouldn’t she approve? 

“It’s your friend too, though. You should be okay with it.” Now Kara was just rambling to herself. 

“Why is it a big deal then? Who is it?” Alex was apprehensive now. Was this person mean, a drug addict? A more-than-friend with three kids? 

Kara looked up with more confidence, as if Alex’s disapproval was an enemy she was preparing to fight off. 

“I made friend with Lena Luthor…” Now the sheepishness came back. Alex was shocked. Sure, Lena was friendly and had helped Alex in stressful times. In fact, Lena held her hair back on multiple occasions the year before when Alex was throwing up and spouting complaints about her mother. Lena would just agree, nodding along. The fact that she was a Luthor wasn’t a big deal to Alex but Alex wasn’t an alien. She wasn’t the cousin of Lex Luthor’s arch enemy; Kara was.

Silence settled between the two before Kara spoke up again.

“Are you mad? It’s just she’d the first real friend I’ve made here and she told me straight out who she was. She looked ashamed, Alex…” Kara was sad for Lena, being scared of not being accepted for where you came from hit a bit close to home for her. Someone so kind didn’t deserve to feel that way.,

Alex replied, contemplating what Eliza would say, what Clark would say. Then she looked at how sincere Kara was. Remembering how starting at College could make you feel, had made Alex feel came to her. Kara didn’t even have alcohol to help and she wasn’t allowed to join sports teams to make friends. Lena was a good student and good person so Alex ignored the voice of her mother in her head and thought about her sister’s feelings. 

“Lena is great, Kara. I’m glad you’ve made a friend. Be careful, though. Even if she isn’t after your secret, her family can’t be too far away from her. Luthors see everything.” The atmosphere was tense for a second longer before Kara gave Alex another hug, grateful that she could stay friends with Lena. 

After hugging, they drifted away from the darker subjects to chat about classes. Exchanging anecdotes on whatever weird antics their respective professors had done in the past week. Kara felt at home for the first time since starting at University. Having her sister there with her to bicker and laugh with made her feel complete. It wasn’t healthy to rely on Alex so much, she knew but she didn’t have anyone else who she could confide in like this. 

“Then I broke another fork! “

“Kara!”

“Alex, trust me, I know. It’s getting ridiculous, why do they snap that easily?” Kara pouted whilst Alex just faked being disappointed in her sister.

“I think I might have to live on pizza, pizza is a fork-less food!” Kara looked to proud of her enlightened idea before Alex scoffed.

“I’m pretty sure you already just live on pizza.” Kara pretended to look offended for a second before she heard Alex’s phone. Alex was pretty popular tonight. It was probably the fiftieth “ding” to come from the device. She debated bringing it up. Especially when Alex wore that expression; she looked like someone told her she’d found the solution to medical mystery, or that someone cute had texted her. Kara couldn’t remember ever seeing that look on her sister’s face before now. In fact she couldn’t remember the last time Alex was interested in anyone. 

“So, who’s texting you so often, hmm?” Kara went for it, deciding that it was a sister’s duty to tease about this sort of thing. Alex just looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“What?” 

“Who’s texting you to make you look all starry eyed?” Kara laughed for a second but Alex looked dumbfounded. Her eyes darted away and Kara didn’t know what she’d done to cause such a reaction. What was Alex so scared of? Did she not feel comfortable talking to Kara about these things anymore? Did she think Kara would judge her? It was confusing to say the least.

“Don’t worry, if you don’t want to say…” Briefly, she looked downward. “I’m sorry for teasing you.”

“No…it’s fine, Kara, really. I just wasn’t making a face. You just shocked me a bit that’s all.” For some reason Alex looked breathless. Shy.

Kara changed the subject.

“Was it a reply for that job you wanted?” This was a safe segue, work always distracted Alex. She’s gotten an interview for some security work that paid pretty well. It meant she could start saving up to upgrade her real favourite thing; her motorcycle.

Alex’s response was immediate. “Um, yeah, this text isn’t from them. It’s just from my new friend Maggie. I’m hoping to get a reply about the job next week.” She looked sheepish, as if she was owning up to something. It went over Kara’s head though as she had no idea why Alex was acting so weird. Kara’s intuition made Alex feel shifty. Maggie was her new friend who she had plans with Thursday. There was nothing going on between them more than that. Maggie made Alex feel happy. Alex changed the subject. 

Although stilted, Kara and Alex managed to get back to a normal Danvers sisters conversation without making Alex question too much more about herself. Without Kara having to out her friends as family to xenophobic masterminds.

-

At about 3am, Kara finally headed home. Even with an offer to stay the night, she decided to go back to her dorm as she had an early class the next day. Alex still worried about her walking alone. As ridiculous as that was, it was nice to have someone to look out for her. About half way, she heard some loud shouting; angry and slurred. For a second she tried to ignore it, thinking of the many times she’d been warned against using her powers. Being told that with Superman around she wasn’t needed. She remembered the burning building on the TV earlier, remembers each police siren outside of her window that she could have easily followed. 

Where was Superman in National City?

It's not like she hasn’t saved people before.When she first came to Earth she saved a baby and on occasion she’s done the cliche save of a damsel in distress on a walk home. This might be one of those situations. As long as she was careful, no damaging injuries, just helping someone, she could intervene. Then she heard Jeremiah warning her, heard his hushed conversations on the phone to less than impressed government agents. Guilt flooded her for a second. Interrupted by a woman’s voice adding to the commotion.

“Leave him alone, guys. Come on.” There was an amazing amount of confidence in her voice. As if she wasn’t scared of anything, as if she’d seen everything. 

The intrusion inspired Kara, she couldn’t leave this situation alone when she had the chance to help someone. 

Wrapping her scarf around her face, Kara sped to the spot, just in time to catch a punch directed at the small woman. Saving her from a man twice her size. 

“Whoah…” The woman just smirked, bewildered and Kara admittedly felt pretty good about it. 

“Leave these people alone.” The muffled voice made her sound like a muppet and her pastel sweater under her coat made her a little self conscious of how intimidating she could be. 

The man had two friends, they all laughed at her, apparently ignoring the fact she came out of thin air. Drinking really wasn’t good for logic. To scare them a little she heat-visioned the ground ahead of the two others and picked up the front runner by his wrist, floating upwards. At about ten feet, she threatened to drop him as he squirmed. His friends were shouting at him from below, like she was the monster when they were just attacking a man half their size

“I won’t drop him as long as you guys move on, go home, get some water.” She looked to the petrified man she was holding, so different from a second ago and felt guilt briefly. “Just leave these people out of your dumb outbursts.”

“Sure, just let-let our friend down, you f-freak. You could kill him!” She could kill him and she was aware, Kara was also being extremely careful. This was a better way than hitting him, if she punched someone too hard they definitely would die. Floating up enough to scare them seemed less likely to result in their accidental death. Kara couldn’t live with that.

Slowly, she lowered the man down. Pointedly staring at the three before they sprinted off.

“I can’t believe even when they’re losing, they choose to insult you.” The woman looked to her, smiling, amused. 

Kara couldn’t just stay and talk to these people. It was risky but she had to help out the man on the ground. Approaching him, he struggled to stand up before facing her, holding his elbow. A quick X-ray showed that he was fine. Still, Kara made sure if he was the same emotionally.

“Hi, are you alright?” He looked a little awestruck but otherwise normal.

“Yeah, um hey. I’m Winn by the way.” He put his hand out to her. Trying not to break it, she shook it gently. 

Scratching the back of his head nervously. “I’m a little shook up but drunk frat guys, ya know? I’m just glad you were here…? What’s your name?” There was a twinkle in his eye and Kara felt like she was being hit on. 

“Sorry, confidential.” She deepened her voice in hopes of throwing him off her trail a little. The woman came over, patting Winn on the back, not too hard in case of injury. 

“Stop flirting with the nice lady who kicked those guys’ asses.” Maggie gave Kara a smirk as she blushed. 

“Just thank her and move on. Do you want me to call the police for you?” Winn shook his head.

“They were just goons, I doubt they were going to do much damage. Some guys just like being scary.” 

Kara was ashamed to admit that he looked like the kind of guy who knew a lot about bullies. Similar to herself. Earth school was a lot, especially after you break the class president’s nose. 

With that Kara smiled softly, not being seen behind her disguise but still. 

“It’s good you were here, I could have taken them but you probably saved me a broken hand,” The woman was confident, Kara suspected she was being completely honest about being able to take on the three men. “I’m Maggie by the way.” Her hand also came out to greet Kara.

Shaking back, trying not to squeeze too much. “Maggie? That’s funny because - “ kara remembered regular small talk wouldn’t work, she was about to reveal Alex as her sister to a stranger. This probably wasn’t even the same Maggie. “Never mind.” 

Both humans looked puzzled. Maggie smiled though, amused.

“Anyway, nice job, have fun with the police.” Kara smiled again, shooting off into the sky, happy she could remember how to fly.

Winn shouted after her. “What’s your superhero name?” Kara could practically hear Maggie’s disapproval at his nerdiness. Kara liked it, they could be friends if they’d met when Kara wasn’t using her powers.

When she got home, she felt the best she had since starting University. Although, the thoughts of Maggie being the same one Alex had befriended freaked Kara out. Alex was going to know a girl with laser vision saved her friend. Alex would kill her but Winn and Maggie were safe. Maybe she’d be proud? Probably not. Kara groaned, burying her face in her pillow. Heading to sleep was difficult when she was so amped up. Briefly she thought about how Lena would react to her powers. Would she be scared or judgemental? Would she be impressed? The thought of impressing Lena made Kara feel oddly excited but she chose to ignore it. Lena was cool, there’s nothing weird about wanting her praise.

Finally, she managed to sleep, hoping for a good day tomorrow.

-

 

“I don’t know why you do this.” Lillian wasn’t screaming at her, that’s the worst kind of scolding when her mother was cold; a quiet but somehow demanding authority. Lena refused to back down, fighting her cause.

“You can’t just come into my home and shout at me like some child, mother.” Lena stood from her desk; defiant. 

It was 7am and Lillian had somehow gotten into Lena’s house, barging into her bedroom. Luckily Lena was an early riser. Glad to be decent, Lena wasn’t sure of what brought her mother to her. It could have been anything.

“You know exactly what’s been going on. What you’ve done to our family.” There was ice in Lillian’s tone that made Lena feel like a child again. She almost expected a pointed slap to follow as it would have when she was younger, when she didn’t get the right grade or talked back. She dismantled Lex’s stereo once to help her with building a small space ship. Lillian had made her rebuild the stereo before breaking it in front of her as soon as she was done. Following with throwing her into her bedroom. 

Now she just towered over her. Lena wanted to fight back the shame blanketing her. She hadn’t done anything. 

Refusing to talk back, Lena let Lillian tell her what had gotten her in trouble.

Her mother lifted her phone to Lena’s gaze. On it, a picture of her half naked with Veronica Sinclair. Lena gulped. This was how Lillian finally found out about her. It was stupid to think that her mother wouldn’t be snooping. There was no use denying what she was being shown.

“How did you get this? Are you spying on me?”

“Of course we are, you are this close,” She raised her fingers in a pinching motion, Lena flinched. “To ruining this family’s image.” If Lena didn’t know Lillian’s methods well enough, she’d think her mother was about to spit on her.

“And Lex murdering innocent people didn’t do that.” Biting back was a mistake even in a whisper. Lillian surprisingly did not hit Lena for her indiscretion. 

“You will not say my son’s name. You are nothing.” Lena looked down. Ashamed at her own weakness. “ This is not how Luthor women behave, if I can get this so easily, it’s a matter of time before the press observe your…problem with self control.” Being gay hadn’t made her feel so wrong in a while but her mother’s bitter words cut at her self esteem. The picture was from last night. She went to Veronica for a booty call. Her frenemy hadn’t been in the country for a year and they’d done the same thing when single before. At boarding school, it was their best kept secret. After all this time, this is the time when someone snags a photo. Lena has definitely been more obvious before. Why was this happening? 

Yielding was her only option. It was wrong how Lillian was treating her but there wasn’t much else she could do. Lena felt like nothing. Like she would never be happy. Thinking of Kara surprisingly wasn’t helping. Knowing that just like all her close relationships, it was going to end with yet another person looking at her as Lillian is now.

“I’m sorry, Mom.” Luckily no tears fell. “It was a moment of weakness and it won’t happen again.It was just experimentation, college stuff.” The lies made her feel sick. Her mother was her only financial support though. It would be foolish to put her pride over her education in this moment. 

The admission seemed to anger Lillian more than the possibility of Lena being gay.

“You are not some slut in college, you are a Luthor and you will act like one or I will take that title from you. Whether you’re acting like a bimbo, dressing as if you’re homeless,” She gestured to Lena’s sweatpants. That was a low blow. “Or whether you are some…lesbian,” There was a vicious tone to the word.

“You are a Luthor first, hence this is unacceptable.” There was a pause.

“Do you understand?” Lena nodded. “Good”

With that Lillian swiftly turned, heading to the door. 

“Ah, before I leave, Lena” Looking back, smirking. “If I catch you behaving like this again, you aren’t getting a penny from me. No matter what your father wanted for you.”

Then her mother was gone and Lena had to fight off tears. Her roommates would have heard indefinitely. The embarrassment along with her sudden feelings of stupidity overcame her. There was nothing she could do but lie in bed and stare at the wall, hoping that she could get through this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Thank you for the comments and kudos, they mean a lot.


	4. Lucy is Extra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, peeps.

Usually, Lena would be invited out to every gay event in national city by her roommates. Having slept with a few didn’t affect her friendships too much. It was college and the lesbian dating community was like a pic’ n ‘mix of “who dated who”. However, it was Thursday night, usually the prime night for the most popular gay bar in national city and no one had even mentioned it. Likely because they’d heard what Lillian had said and didn’t want to expose Lena to an environment where she could so obviously get caught. As sweet as it was, it made her feel worse, even if she would have said no anyway.

Veronica hadn’t texted her yet either which was strange for her. Lena expected at least an out of the blue explicit message whilst her “friend” was in the city. Lillian probably called Veronica’s older sister who’d have given her a similar ‘Do you want to lose your trust fund?’ threat. Lena sighed.

There were no classes today because of some parade, her roommates were all in their respective rooms, blasting music and studying whilst Lena looked over blue prints for an extra project. One that could resolve her spying issue without just dismantling every camera device in the general vicinity. Three months of thirst then the first time she hooks up she gets caught, her mother had amazing timing. 

What was she going to do? Hiding her sexuality when she saw family was one thing but in her own home…

She couldn’t handle that.

Working twice as hard to save her freedom, she went back to work.

-

Kara was waiting for Lena to text back. Honestly she felt a little antsy. Lena was the quickest text-er in history, it was like she was psychic. There’d been hours between her replies since Tuesday. Not to be needy but it was odd. Was Lena okay? Was she mad? 

She was probably busy, the logical part of her repeated but then she’d get a notification and her heart would skip a beat. When it wasn’t Lena it frustrated her. At one point it was a message telling her that her food was on its way. That’s how important it was to hear from Lena. Even food was a disappointment in comparison. Kara felt a little desperate but didn’t know why. She’s never waited like this for someone. She just wanted to speak to Lena, it made her feel good. Distracted her from the stress that was ancient history essays when English wasn’t your first language and having to explain how she broke her en suite shower to her floor warden. 

Not that she could discuss this stuff directly with her new friend but there was something calming and (weirdly) exciting about talking to her, even through a screen. 

Letting it go was difficult but Kara had to get to work soon so she threw her phone on her bed and went to get dressed. Hopeful that Lena would message her later, she shoved her phone in her coat pocket before heading out with her uniform on and her apron in her satchel.

_

“Look who’s here! On time for once.” Lucy smirked at her as her eyes shined, amused with her own teasing. 

“Ha, ha…” Kara mocked her as she slid past her to hang up her coat in the back closet and tie on her apron. Lucy was still smirking at her as she watched her.

“I’m not always late, Lucy.” Lucy rolled her eyes. “Okay, well I’m only a little late and you know it’s because the buses are weird where I live.”  
Raising her hands in surrender, Lucy responded. “Sorry, babe. Try not to get your panties in a twist.” She winked. “The boss isn’t even here, you picked a good day to be a good employee.”

“Really? I need to really work on my timing.” 

They were friends, Lucy was a real flirt and she made Kara blush more than anyone but it’s kind of how everyone reacted to her. Kara enjoyed working with her, there was never really a dull moment and Lucy liked to tell her gossip about Alex. Sometimes bad, just to warn her and sometimes funny ones that Alex would enjoy. 

“How’s the customers today?” Kara looks out to a near-empty shop. It was 4pm so there were about five people sat with their hot chocolates. It seemed a little early in the season for that but Kara wouldn’t insult a chocolate lover. 

Lucy made a noise of approval before going into detail. “The usual for a Thursday. I’ve been here since opening so I got some real good tips.” She winked. 

Kara wasn’t surprised, Lucy was popular in here. Admittedly she did undo three buttons of her grey “barista” shirt and flirt with everyone who walked in. It was a pretty good tactic. 

“My ex came in today, actually…” Kara wasn’t sure where this story was going but it sounded dramatic which would be fun to hear about. “They told me that you’d been texting Lena Luthor and getting lunch with her.” The knowing look on Lucy’s face confused Kara as it seemed to be insinuating something. Not being sure what she just stared blankly at Lucy. Somehow she still felt slightly anxious at what was being suggested. 

“Um…w-we’re friends.” She had no idea why she felt like she was hiding something.

Lucy had an evil look on her face.

“Friends? I don’t think Lena has lunch for three hours with friends.” She paused. “I mean, I’m her friend and our hangouts include getting insanely drunk or maybe getting coffee but I’ve known her for ten years.”

“What does this have to do with anything? I’ve only know her for under a week.” Kara was a little annoyed that she didn’t know what was being accused of her.

“My point is, Lena isn’t the kind of person who makes those kind of friendships lightly. I thought maybe you guys were together.” The amusement on her face was infuriating, almost as infuriating as the insane blush on Kara’s face.

She spluttered. “ What? No, no…I like her, she’s great but I’m-I’m straight, Lucy” Nervously smiling, Kara felt a little exposed. Exposed of what? She had no clue but Lucy just seemed to find this funnier.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine with me, Kara, don’t get too upset. Lena’d be lucky to have you. She’s kind of a player though so watch out. “ There was the teasing again. Kara couldn’t take it. 

“How did your ex even know we were friends?” She decided to change the subject so her head wouldn’t explode. 

“They’re roommates.” Lucy shrugged, starting to wipe down the counter. Looking bored now. 

“Great and her roommates are spreading weird rumours about us. “ Kara adjusted her glasses. “Just because Lena’s a lesbian doesn’t mean she can’t have female friends, Lucy.”

Briefly making eye contact before returning to her task, Lucy scoffed. 

“I know that, I am her female friend.” Now with Kara looking so uptight and flustered, Lucy took some pity on her. “Just forget it, I’m teasing you, Lena’s an awesome friend. No one’s making up rumours, they are probably jealous that some charming girl is taking up Lena’s time.”

“I’m pretty sure every girl in that house has had or has a thing for Lena.” This is the first Kara had heard about this. It didn’t surprise her, she already wanted to spend all her time with Lena and she was straight. Definitely straight.

“Anyway, Danvers, get to work cleaning the cappuccino machine, we don’t pay you to think about cute girls and gossip.”

“Apparently that’s what you’re paid for though…” Lucy smacked Kara with her wash cloth. Glaring but then laughing lightly.

They moved on with their respective jobs. Lucy filling Kara in on all the insane tasks their manager had made her do that week. 

Lucy didn’t go to the same University as Kara, there was a separate law school just outside of town. She was still involved in a lot of the same friend groups as Kara’s sister and apparently Lena. Alex knew her from many of her fighting classes but bKara hadn’t even known her and Lena knew each other let alone had known each other a decade. 

After a few customers came in, James Olsen walked in. For a second Kara was awestruck. He approached with a friendly smile, wearing a camera around his neck and a leather jacket. 

“Hi there,” Kara lost the ability to speak, she’d only seen him from a far with her cousin or briefly at a party. Apparently he was a regular whilst Lucy was working, though. He was in his last year, studying photography and doing an internship at the daily planet. 

He waved his hand slightly, Lucy nudged her. 

“Sorry, sir, can I get you anything?” Taking up her role as best she could, Kara tried to get through this conversation without looking (too) dumb.

“Yeah, um a latte,” He hummed as he scanned the baked goods. “Maybe a skinny blueberry muffin as well.” There was his smile again, winding her. 

“Of course,” She got stuck again before hastily putting his order through, Lucy already started on the latte, rolling her eyes.

“That will be eight dollars.” He passed her the cash, winking, before she gave him the muffin and he went to sit down, waiting for his latte. Lucy made her bring it to him, in her own way trying to help her with her embarrassing crush and humiliate her immensely. 

Somehow she managed not to crush the cup on her way to the table. 

Lucy just scoffed at Kara the entire time, pretending that she wasn’t insanely attracted to James as well. Everyone was attracted to James.

He was handsome and Kara crushed on him for sure but there was always the chance, because she barely knew him, that his affiliation with her cousin therefore his obvious acceptance of her kind was the driving factor for her admiration. 

Setting down his drink, they exchanged smiles, his charming whilst Kara’s was awkward and jittery (somehow?). It was an intense encounter before he said thank you and she sprinted back to her safe counter.

Lucy hit her with a wash cloth again. 

“Are you insane? He was checking you out.” The blush on Kara’s face was immense. As a stuttering mess she fought her case.

“That’s rid-ridiculous! Pshh! No-he would never-“ She adjusted her glasses as Lucy looked exasperated. 

“Look, you are missing a huge opportunity, do you know how many girls and guys wanna get with him? “ The offence Lucy took to Kara’s lack of game was overwhelming. 

“I’m fairly certain Wonder woman would even want him. He’s a catch.” 

Pursing her lips, Kara thought about that. Wonder Woman was out of everyone’s league, Lena might not even stand a chance. A weird example but Lena was probably the most attractive person Kara had ever met, objectively. Not in a weird way. She tried not to think too much about it. 

Recovering Kara replied. “Look, I’m not someone who dates, Lucy. I’m especially not someone who just asks guys out at work…”

Despite her rage at Kara’s lack of confidence, Lucy found her shyness sort of endearing. 

“Okay, Kara, I’m going to show you how it’s done.” She set down her spray and wash cloth, adjusting her cap saying ‘SUPERVISOR’ and moved toward the counter exit. Turning to stare Kara directly in the eye, she gave a theatrical pep talk.

“If you’re into someone, you go for it. If you feel electricity, that warm hearty feeling, you gotta get it, girl.” Her eyes shined. This obviously was a passionate subject for her. Kara was almost flattered that she cared so much.

Did this happen to all of Kara’s colleagues whilst on shift with Lucy? Did she give customers this advice? Hopefully, it would bring up sales.

Strutting towards James, Lucy sent a look back to Kara of utter confidence. When getting to the table, she asked in a voice that sounded like it should have been a whisper but was also loud enough to command a small army of suitors. They held eye contact as Lucy just asked how James’ muffin was. Kara felt a little wrong for watching. Lucy was that radiant. James looked impressed, eyeing her slightly, somehow still remaining charming. Lucy sat with James, on his table. Far enough away as to not get in any trouble but close enough that he could probably smell her perfume. One of the best perfumes out there if Kara had a say, it was perfectly Lucy and it was honestly alluring. 

Kara refused to listen to anymore of the conversation, waiting instead for Lucy to return with results and she was not disappointed.

Once behind the counter, Lucy nonchalantly picked her cleaning supplies back up. 

“So…?” Eyeing her, Kara waited for the gossip. 

Lucy just shrugged.

Kara was confused but waited.

“He’s taking me out tomorrow. Apparently to some art show that’s in town.” Her eyebrows raised but other than that she was cool about it. As if James Olsen didn’t just agree to go on a date with her. 

“Congratulations! I knew you could do it.”

“I do have to cancel my booty call tomorrow, now.” Lucy pouted. Kara was perplexed.

“A booty call?”She felt stupid for not knowing the definition but Lucy was cooler than her, slang was her thing. 

Lucy just looked unimpressed.

“You don’t know what that is?” 

“No…?” Feeling embarrassed now, Kara looked down, fiddling with her glasses.

“Kara, you’ll be the death of me, I swear.” Huffing, she continued. “A ‘booty call’,” she used her fingers as air quotes; rolling her eyes. “Is when someone who is in need of sexual attention, calls someone they know but don’t want to date in order to satiate those needs.”

Blushing couldn’t describe exactly how red Kara’s face was at this moment. Twitching, she tried to think of how she would change the subject. Talking about sex was not comfortable for her and she tried to avoid it at all costs. Kara was a repressed nerd who broke people’s noses when she tried to kiss them. She did not fit into these conversations. 

“Wow, ok. I’m sorry…?” Questions and awkward stumbling. Kara continuously regretted each word uttered from her mouth. 

Lucy just sighed at her. It was strange how obsessed humans were with these conversations, getting exasperated when people didn’t want to listen to details about their sex life. Maybe it was because Kara didn’t have a sex life therefore she didn’t feel the need to talk about it but it bothered her that people didn’t like that these topics made her feel awkward. She wasn’t a prude but it was a difficult topic for her. Could she even have sex safely? Did she want to? 

Perhaps a subject for another time as three customers came in, the evening rush following. Being a twenty-four hour coffee shop was a lot when you catered to College students. Caffeine was like their religion. 

Her and Lucy still held some conversation and spat out jokes but Kara still felt a little tense and out of place for the rest of her shift. 

_

Kara got home around nine and paced around her room with her phone.

“Alex, I know you hate voicemails but can you call me, I’m just not feeling that great and I was hoping we could talk about it? Okay, love you…” It felt wrong to talk to her sister like a therapist rather than family but Kara was desperate. Who else was there? Not the healthiest excuse. 

Kara sighed as her phone pinged. Hoping it was Alex, she rushed towards it. 

It was a text from Lena, Kara’s chest swelled a little, knowing she had someone thinking about her at 9pm on a Thursday. Knowing that finally, Lena had texted her back.

Lena: Hey there, there’s a big party at my house tomorrow, I know it isn’t your scene but I could use some moral support and a drinking partner who doesn’t dare me to do a keg stand. :0 xx

She frowned, then smiled (because Lena was being cute, wanting her to be there) but then she frowned again. Was going to a party a good idea? Last time was extremely overwhelming. Maybe Lena would help, she was a solid support system when they’d met and Kara didn’t want to leave her friend fighting off emotional exes and peer pressure. 

Kara: Sure! You need help setting up? xx

Not wanting to let on how the idea scared her, Kara decided to flat out agree. Lena’s reply was quicker than it had been for two days. Kara’s mood lifted, knowing that her and Lena were okay.

Lena: It shouldn’t take too much planning, I doubt the guests would care but I wouldn’t mind seeing you before! Just don’t eat all of the snacks in one sitting. xx

Kara giggled a little. Lena already knew her so well. 

Kara: No promises ;) xx

They tossed texts back and forth for a while before both went back their respective assignments/projects.

_

Lena held her phone to her chest, trying to keep her feelings inside. Overwhelmed by the need to see a friendly face and the need to have a buffer for tomorrow. Veronica was coming to the party and Lena and her drunk in the same house meant a sloppy hook up. No matter what. Something Lena wished to avoid whilst being spied on.

Using Kara didn’t seem like a good idea but her friend wanted to support her. Lena needed that right now. Of course she could just not drink but…that was ridiculous. Kara didn’t drink so she could help with the self control. There was no more need for raunchy pics of Lena’s lesbian escapades. Who knew who was watching? 

It was weird to think that most young women didn’t have their mother spying on their home but that was just a Luthor trait. They should have kept an eye on Lex whilst he built kryptonite bombs. Lena rolled her eyes. Then almost welled up at the loss of her brother and her slice of freedom, she tried to think positively. Kara came to the front of her mind. 

No one had ever smiled at her like Kara would. They’d spoken in person twice and the enthusiasm and trust Lena was given by the girl took over her fragile head. Emotions were difficult to process for her and Kara was like a flurry of emotions. Most positive in an inspiring and sickly way. Others were under the surface, in the crinkle between her eyebrows when parents were brought up, when relationships were discussed. Something was off with her. 

It was intriguing to Lena because she was a broken person. In fixing herself she got a little intent on looking for signs others were fixing their own heads. She wanted to be understood and dramatic teen philosophy aside, Lena wanted to learn everything about her new friend and she wanted to know what it was like to be loved by Kara Danvers - romantically. 

Knowing it would never happen tugged at her heart but the prospect of being able to just be in Kara’s life healed the hurt. Thinking so fondly of someone was dangerous. It wasn’t like she could be betrayed more considering her family so she decided living dangerously might be worth it.

She needed to finish her anti-surveillance device. It felt like even her gay thoughts were being read straight out of her mind. 

With that slice of paranoia, she worked all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos! I hope this chapter was cool enough for you!


	5. Walking Girls Home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex turns to her friend as she contemplates what her and Maggie's friendship means to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I feel like this is late? It's been a little chunk of time because of life commitments but a little angst warning for this chapter because my emotionally distraught Alex is having some lessons in self love thrown her way. Also, Sanvers being over is a lot right now, luckily there's a lot of Alex gushing about our favourite detective in this chapter so I hope it makes up for it. The CW can be really uncool in how it treats lesbian relationships - as we all know - and that is shitty. It makes me sad (ngl) but we'll get through it!

Kara spoke between bites of Pringles. She looked odd, nervous to ask.“Have you noticed my sister being weird lately?”

Lena didn’t want to say too much. It wasn’t her place to speculate about Alex and Maggie’s relationship. It was better to play ignorant. Although it hurt not to give Kara all the information she had. 

“Um, I haven’t spoken to her enough to notice.” She took her own Pringle, breaking it in half before eating it. Kara was slightly distracted by Lena’s quirk when eating. She ignored it. 

“Why do you ask?”

Kara stumbled over her words, interrupted in her observation of Lena. 

“You know, she’s just a little distant.” Kara looked down, stopping eating and fidgeting with her glasses. To Lena it looked as if she was ashamed of what she was saying. “She usually is there, always, I guess…always when I need her.” A guilty look took residence on her face.

“I know it’s bad, I shouldn’t depend on her but it’s weird, she doesn’t answer her phone as much and she’s always busy.”

Lena just listened to Kara explain the situation in rambles before giving her side. Seeing Kara so worried made saddened Lena.

“Look, Alex seems like the protective big sister type,” Kara nodded. “That isn’t a bad thing and you shouldn’t feel bad for acknowledging she is there for you a lot.” Smiling softly, Lena gently squeezed Kara’s arm. “It is weird for her to not be checking in on you every two minutes, from what i observed last year.” Lena chuckled. 

Kara felt relieved that Lena understood without too much judgement. Although, she knew that she needed to drift from Alex and let her live her own life. This didn’t mean that she couldn’t be worried about her sister when she behaved oddly. Oddly meaning, not calling Kara back from last night. She didn’t even text until 12pm. That wasn’t like her sister at all. 

“I know she’s made a new friend,” Lena tried not to raise her eyebrows, assuming this friend was Maggie. She took a drink to hide her smirk. Then Kara continued. “But I’ve made a new friend too and I’m not acting weird.” Lena almost spat out her drink at her and Kara’s friendship being compared to that of Alex and Maggie. Kara needed to talk to her sister more. 

“Maybe school is just getting ahead of her?” Lena tried to change the subject.

“She’s Alex, nothing overwhelms her.” Remembering how while everything - including the popcorn maker - spooked her to her core whilst Alex stood tall, Kara became even more confused. “I don’t even want to see what possibly could.” It was the truth.

Lena was sympathetic. If Alex’s behaviour was genuinely worrying Kara, she wondered how long it would take for Alex to be truthful. To Lena, it seemed obvious that Alex was introducing herself to a new version of herself. One who could text cute girls. Kara seemed genuinely upset that she couldn’t relate to what her sister was going through and Lena understood that she likely didn’t. There was something unique about finding out you weren’t straight and she just hoped Alex had the support she needed. Thinking of Lillian, Lena tried again to focus on Kara. 

“Just ask her, I’m sure she’ll be open to talking to you. She loves you.” For a moment Lena wondered if she had anyone in her life that she shared such a bond with. The answer was no but she thought that Kara could be that person for her, if she didn’t end up ruining it.

“You’re right, I’m being dramatic…” Kara looked insecure suddenly. 

Lena held her hands in hers. “You care about your sister,” They looked into each others eyes, Kara couldn’t breathe and Lena was lost looking at the girl in front of her. “It’s admirable…” Both girls’ eyes sparkled almost comically as they stared. Then Lena let go, shaking from such an intense gaze. Lena didn’t know what to make of it but she ignored the rambunctious butterflies in her stomach. 

Grabbing her purse, she looked to Kara, amused. “Anyway, let’s go replace all the snacks you just breathed in.” Adding a wink for good measure, she strolled out with Kara at her heels. They ignored the tension surrounding them as they ventured out. 

_

Alex and Maggie were in Alex’s bed. Not doing anything, of course. Maggie was dating some girl so Alex would never get in the way of that and she didn’t like Maggie like that anyway. They were good friends with mutual interests. That’s why Alex was over heating in an air conditioned room being this close to the other woman. Women made Alex flustered all of the time, especially close friends, it was normal. It was normal for any intense friendship. That’s what Alex repeated to herself when Maggie shifted closer by accident and it almost gave her heart palpitations…

“Anyway, long story short…that’s another relationship down the drain.” Maggie threw back a sip of beer. Looking to Alex expectantly, she motioned of the other girl’s input.

“Um, that sucks… I’m sorry.” What was Alex supposed to say? She was too distracted and hadn’t heard exactly what led to the break up. Truthfully she was sort of relieved but it wasn’t like she’d known the other girl or had a scathing opinion so it was odd. 

“Were you listening?” Maggie looked as amused as she was agitated. 

“I mean, yeah-no, sorry I got distracted by something.” Alex looked down. Embarrassed at not being there for Maggie during a hard time. 

“Well, you missed the best part, apparently I’m a sociopath who likes to party more than date.” There was something heartbreaking in Maggie’s eyes. Like she feared it to be true. It was obvious that this had impacted her more than Alex had anticipated. No one she’d ever cared too much had ever broken up with her so she’d misunderstood the severity. Oddly, the thought of having hurt Maggie affected her more than even the end of her first serious relationship the year prior. 

Alex needed to help Maggie, no matter what. Turning to her abruptly she spoke.  
“How about we go do something? Go show her how hard you can really party.” Alex wiggled her eyebrows and Maggie raised hers.

“Can you really handle me, Danvers?” Maggie was challenging her, she must have been feeling better already. There was a spark in her eyes Alex hadn’t seen before, as if she was reading her mind. 

“Oh, Sawyer, I think you’ll find that you won’t be able to handle me.” The flintiness was not intended but it made Alex feel a little warmer and it seemed to cheer Maggie up. “I’ll outdrink you’re short ass any day.” Alex sipped her own beer.

“You’re going to have to prove that to me then…” Maggie slowly sat up, placing her coke down as she thought about how to go about this. She gave Alex a mischievous look before picking up her phone. 

Still keeping eye contact - Alex was sweating - Maggie talked. 

“Hi, Lena, how’s my favourite over achiever?” There was some speaking that Alex couldn’t hear. She tried to ask Maggie what she was doing. 

“Uh huh, cool, cool. “ Maggie winked at Alex. “I can get a keg if you break out the scotch.” There was some laughter. Warm but stilted. 

“You’re such a ho, I heard V was back in town? You want me to kick her ass?” Maggie laughed like Alex had never seen. It was comforting to know Maggie had this kind of friendship although there was obvious tension. 

After some more banter and dirty jokes - Alex had a lot to think about right now - Maggie said something that caught Alex’s attention. 

“Maybe I’ll get that superhero who saved me the other day. She’d be better security than drunk hockey players. “ 

Panicked, Alex tried to get Maggie’s attention, wanting to grill her about what she had seen. What Kara had done. It had to be Kara. It was insane, she knew how dumb vigilante justice was for keeping a low profile. Superman did it, sure but Alex still thought he wasn’t a good role model. 

Finally, Maggie hung up and looked to Alex confused. 

“What’s wrong, nerd?” The fear on Alex’s face made her resort to teasing nicknames. 

“Um, that hero, what happened?” 

“Oh, nothing. She just scared some dicks off. She was amazing to be honest.”Still confused, Maggie looked like she was inspecting Alex. “Why?”

“Right. Don’t worry, it’s just, you know…” Maggie shrugged sceptically. 

“Anyway, what did Lena say? And how do you know her?” They were valid questions and Maggie dropped her suspicions. 

“Well, she was just confirming that she was throwing an insane party tonight.” Maggie smirked before sitting by Alex on the bed. “I know her because she’s friends with someone who was…” She looked down. “Important to me, I guess.”

There was some kind of anger behind Maggie’s expression. Alex put her arm around her tentatively before speaking. “You don’t have to talk about it, don’t worry…” She didn’t really know what to say. 

Pushing the arms off of her, not harshly but the action hurt Alex. Suddenly Maggie seemed in a rush. 

 

Maggie stood up, heading to the door.

Looking back, she put on a smile. 

“Danvers, hate to love you and leave you but I have a break up to get over and a party to prep for. See you here at seven?” With the smirk on her face, it was hard to tell that whatever was on her mind was affecting her so much. Alex just nodded, still uncomfortable with being rejected. 

When the girl was gone, Alex questioned every detail of their encounter. Trying not to let her heart flutter at Maggie saying she loved her, even as a joke. 

_

After some time to herself, Alex found she couldn’t get her mind off of Maggie. She didn’t know what had gotten her upset and she was perplexed at the extent that she cared. Obviously she cared but it seemed like her whole world in the last few hours - the last few weeks - were all about Maggie. Maybe it was time to think about what that meant. It wasn’t like Alex was gay, she liked Maggie, they had an close friendship even in such a short time. It was normal to get caught up in these kinds of relationships especially because Alex didn’t find close friendships with women easily. When one came along, there were a lot of feelings. 

With her muddled brain, she decided that she had to speak to someone. She had only a few friends, her sister wasn’t an option, she might not get it. She won’t get how important friends like Maggie were to Alex. Kara would misinterpret Alex’s feelings. That would just be too much for her right now. 

Becoming almost hysterical, she had a brilliant idea. 

She texted Lena. Lena was a lesbian so could reaffirm to Alex what she already knew, that it was normal to feel this close to someone platonically. Plus she knew Maggie, knew how wonderful and enticing she could be. Alex got out her phone before Maggie could again distract her. 

Alex: Hi, Lena. I was looking for some more help with something.

Not unlike Lena, it took her a while to reply. She was probably studying or buying alcohol. Well, getting someone of age to buy the alcohol. 

Eventually, half a bio med podcast later, Lena replied. 

Lena: What is it? 

Now that someone was there to listen, Alex didn’t have it in her to reply. What was she to say? There wasn’t really much. How do you ask a lesbian for reassurance that admiring someone didn’t make you gay. One word about Maggie and Lena would assume straight away, just like when Alex asked for Maggie’s number because it’s weird. It’s weird how obsessed she is with this girl who’s way cooler than her. It felt so wrong to contemplate that Maggie might be more to her. At the same time, her chest swelled at the thought of Maggie. Like she wanted to cry, like she wanted to collapse with the pressure to be good enough. Somehow with Maggie, she simultaneously felt like just enough. Everything was insane. 

Alex: I don’t know how to explain. I’m not sure what I’m looking for. 

Lena: I’m here to talk if you need me

What was Alex supposed to say? What was she feeling? Was she looking for a girl to kiss? Suddenly she was questioning every female friendship she had. How happy she’d get when invited to sleep overs. She remembered walking an extra twenty minutes just to stay by her best friend’s side. When she had to walk Kara home, it felt wrong to include her in that bubble of extra time. Later it continued, when Kara could take herself to school but now Alex had a car and drove pretty girls anywhere they’d ask without asking for gas money. They were her friends and she wanted to spend time with them. That was all.

There’s a pang of distant sourness as she remembers dropping Vicky Donahue off at her boyfriend’s house every Thursday. It only happened a hand full of times before Alex started fighting with her friend. Her anger never had an explanation. This could be it. Alex didn’t want it to be this. There was a brick in her chest, she couldn’t breathe as she contemplated what this had all meant. 

Denial seemed the best option but Lena was right there. She was ready to listen without judgement. This may be her only chance to rifle through these thoughts and debunk them forever. Deep down, she knew they wouldn’t be debunked. The unruly anxiety simmering low in her stomach told her so. 

There were tears in her eyes. She found her phone with shaking hands and replied to Lena.

Alex: I don’t know what I’m feeling

Alex: I think i may know what I’m feeling but I don’t want to admit it. It’s a lot.

Fully whimpering, Alex clutched her phone, overwhelmed at the progress of her emotional state.

How did it come to this?

Lena took a moment to reply.

Lena: Are you okay?

Alex didn’t reply straight away.

Lena: Alex? 

The list of issues Lena gave just made Alex feel worse, ridiculous even. She’s been through so much stress and heart break but the possibility of liking a girl made her cry like a baby. It was pathetic; she was pathetic.

_ 

Still with Kara, Lena had to assess the situation with Alex. They were friends who texted sometimes. To be approached for advice was terrifying. Alex wasn’t texting back and the issue could be anything but she couldn’t let on in front of Kara what Alex was going through. The fact Kara wasn’t getting incessant texts meant that Alex didn’t want her sister involved. 

Alex: I just don’t know whether texting is the right way to do this. 

Alex: But it’s not fair on you to just dump all my stuff on you.

This was Alex looking for a way out. Whatever she had to say it must have been important. How could Lena just explain away to Kara that she had to go help Alex. Maybe Alex needed her sister instead. 

Or not. 

Shit, this was difficult.

Lena: Hang in there, I’ll drive to yours, I just have to drop Kara off first. I may be 20-30 minutes.

Mentioning Kara was a bad idea. 

Alex: Did you show her these texts? 

The panic was practically radiating through her phone. 

Lena: No, I doubt she suspects we’re even speaking. Hang in there.

It almost hurt to cut her and Kara’s day together short but her gayness could wait until the party. Alex wasn’t exactly her best friend but this seemed important. If she had to speculate she’d say this was gay panic and Lena knew this subject well.

Looking to Kara, sat across from her, Lena gave her an apologetic look. 

“I’m sorry but I kind of have an errand to run that I had forgotten about.” Luthors were emaculate liars. Lena really was distraught to say goodbye though and it likely showed.

“Is it okay if I drop you off and pick you up later for the party?”

Kara looked a little shocked, probably because Lena was blowing her off and Lena didn’t have a life so it was suspicious. Did Kara think this was suspicious? That was a ridiculous thought. Being related to terrorists really brought out Lena’s paranoia.

Kara found her voice. “Yeah, totally…” She paused. “Are you okay?” 

Ever the attentive. Lena’s heart skipped a beat at the amount of caring held in the girl’s voice. No one cared about her like Kara and they’d literally met a week before. Maybe Kara was a lesbian, she does go all in. 

Refraining from reliving deeper into her lesbian Kara theories, Lena replied with as chipper of a tone as she could. 

“Fine! Absolutely perfect. I’m with you after all.” Lena winked. Flirting came natural to her. “You know, just boring wannabe inventor stuff.” Smiling this much would be suspicious if she wasn’t around Kara.

Kara just nodded and accepted her explanation. 

They left shortly and Lena paid for the meal whilst Kara gave her a slight exasperated look. It was quicker to use one purse and that’s exactly the excuse she’d given Kara.

_

When knocking at Alex’s door, Lena became nervous. She might not be cut out to be the shoulder to cry on. When she’d met Kara she was wasted. It hadn’t shown but in real sober life, she was like stone. If she wasn’t smitten with the other person that is. Unfortunately she didn’t feel that way about Alex so this may not be easy. Lillian hadn’t even ever hugged Lena, not that she recalled anyway. She tended to repress childhood memories involving her mother. Still, how was she supposed to support someone when she didn’t know what that meant. Sitting next to a cute girl and smoking a cigarette wasn’t going to help in this situation. Although, that should apply to every situation.

Alex answered with a cold look. Not in a sense that she was warding Lena off, instead she was hiding from the world.

It was tragic to see someone practicing her own technique to keep others at bay. She hadn’t talked to half of her roommates whilst sober for two weeks. Blocking yourself from other people was not fun but it seemed easier than being a real person. 

“Hi…” For once Lena didn’t know what to say. Alex just took a deep breath, her mask cracking for a second. She opened the door wider and directed Lena inside. Now up close, Lena could see she was shaking and it broke her heart. Seeing someone strong depleted was never pleasant. Alex Danvers was the kind of student everyone wished to be and she stood like crumbling stone. 

“Thanks for coming.” A small voice firmly stated. 

“It’s no trouble.” It wasn’t but Alex likely felt like a burden. 

Once in Alex’s room, Lena was directed to sit on the bed whilst Alex sat in her desk chair, facing her, hands on her knees. Her hands ruffled through her hair an insurmountable amount of times before she finally looked Lena in the eye. 

“I don’t know how to say this.” It was a fearful admission, hidden by a layer of assurance.

Lena let her finish. 

Head in her hands Alex waited a few second before lifting her head once again, frowning at the ceiling. 

“I-I- what do I do?” There were tears coming, Alex’s face screwed up and she tried to keep it straight every few seconds before failing again and fidgeting with her shirt.

This wasn’t the time for direct comfort, this was Alex opening up. Letting herself rifle through these thoughts.

No one was home except them but Alex was quiet; almost whispering. 

“I’ve been thinking…about-about Maggie.” She steadied herself. “Maggie and me.” 

Watching the tension on Alex’s face, how distraught she seemed, broke Lena’s heart. It seemed she was right about what was bothering Alex. Being right didn’t feel very rewarding.

“I think I’ve noticed myself developing…feelings.” The look on her face seemed to beg for some contribution now.

“Right.”Lena spoke, she tried to be gentle with her questioning. Not asking too much but allowing Alex to say what she needed. “Like… romantic feelings?” 

Alex just stared at her for a second before rubbing her eyes and softly speaking. 

“Yes…” It was broken; breathless.

Lena nodded. 

“And how does that make you feel, to admit that?” Alex broke down again, quietly as if from practice of hiding such expressions. Lena took the girls hands softly and Alex leaned into the contact. At such an awkward angel it seemed she’d fall over. Then Lena coaxed her to sit beside her whilst she remained holding her hands. Lena stroked Alex’s cheek and looked into her eyes, trying to bring her some strength and support. 

“Alex, It’s fine to have these feelings. There isn’t something wrong with you, this is just a part of you…” Alex’s sobbing quietened as she leaned into Lena’s shoulder. They were now in a snug but awkward cuddle in the middle of Alex’s bed, sat up. “Whatever this makes you feel, whether you accept yourself now or not, it becomes easier to do so… I promise.” Lena fully believed that, it did become easier for her, just not by much, she still held hope for the future. 

There wasn’t another option. 

“You’re strong and special, there is not anything you should be ashamed of…” Mentioning labels may be inappropriate for how distressing Alex was finding this. 

Lena “shh”ed Alex as she awkwardly rocked her in her arms. They weren’t loose enough for this, she knew but someone needed her. Alex must have felt that there was no one else. That kind of loneliness wasn’t foreign to Lena, herself.

For a second Lillian popped into her head and suddenly everything she was saying to Alex was just the script she’d wished someone had said to her; wished someone would say to her. 

Alex stopped crying and Lena just continued to hold her until the other girl started speaking again.

“I’m sorry.” There was a hardness to her tone now. Somehow it was more heartbreaking than the crying.

“You shouldn’t have to drop whatever your doing to console me.” She sat up, away from Lena.

Steadily Lena replied. “I know we aren’t necessarily best friends,” It was difficult finding the right words. “But I respect you and I know that if you felt like you needed someone here but I was the only option then you must have really needed someone.” She took a breath, not being good at talking about emotions like this was detrimental. “I’m okay with being that someone, even if we’re just nerd friends.” Lena tried to convey the utmost sincerity to Alex whilst giving her a small, amused smile.

Alex sniffed and nodded.

“Yeah-yeah I guess that’s true.” Alex looked to Lena, gaining a little vulnerability. “I did need someone, you were the only person who felt safe right now. “

“Mhm, Do you feel any better?” Lena assumed the answer was yes, despite coming out being hard, it’s freeing. 

“I think so. “ Alex looked like a scared child. “I don’t know where to go from here…”

“Well, have you thought about talking to-“ Lena took a breath, treading carefully. “To Kara?”

Alex sighed. 

“From what she’s said, you two are extremely close.” Lena looked down. “It might help you and it might help her. She said you’ve been distant.”

Alex looked almost alarmed. 

“What? She said that?” With some scepticism she continued. “She told you that after knowing you for a week?” She looked like she might laugh at Lena. 

“You really can make Danvers girls tell you their secrets, it seems.” At that point, Lena felt a sudden defensiveness from Alex that she didn’t understand. She ignored it, attributing it to her feeling cornered by questions. 

“I don’t know whether telling Kara will help.” Then the fear was back, a pleading look directed at Lena broke her heart. “What do I even say? Do I say, ‘Hey, I’m a lesbian!’. “ Alex put her hands through her hair. 

“Well, you don’t have to label yourself right now. Unless you feel like it will help.” 

Alex looked at Lena. 

“I was thinking about all of the guys that-that I’ve been with, I guess.” She sighed. “Then I thought about how I felt about my girl-friends back in school. I think I’ve always liked girls more than guys.” There was a pause. “I’m not sure if I ever liked guys at all.” Her eyes were now focused, as if she was searching for some answer and it was finally becoming clear. 

“Tell Kara that, tell her just how you feel. It might help, having someone who loves you having your back.” Something Lena hadn’t experienced since her father died. Even when he was alive, arguing with Lillian sometimes wasn’t worth the effort of defending your adopted daughter.

Alex nodded. “Thank you, really. I can’t believe you let me waste your time like this.” Alex smiled weakly. “I appreciate it, if you need anything - anything - just let me know.” It was earnest and Lena was happy that maybe they could become closer.

“it wasn’t a waste, You aren’t a waste. I wouldn’t make offers like that though, I might end up making you my new therapist.” Lena spoke softly but winked. Easing the tension. 

Getting up, Lena gestured to the door. “I should be going, I promised I’d get dinner with Kara before the party. Are you going with Maggie?” 

“Yeah, I am.” Alex smiled briefly up at Lena. “I’ll see you there.”

After smiling awkwardly at each other for a few seconds, Lena finally left but the tension stayed as Alex thought about her situation. 

More than anything she wanted to spend time with Maggie, there was a new lightness to her when she thought of her. Less shame maybe. The idea of being drunk around Kara and Maggie though, after such an emotional day seemed dangerous. 

There was a high chance she’d make a fool of herself. She knew she wasn’t ready to come out to the two of them. Being drunk might make her too honest. Obviously, she could avoid drinking but she wanted to have a fun night of not caring.

Fuck it. 

She was ready to have a good time. After such a day, it was her right.


	6. We All End The Night Alone.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's party time, Alex shows off, Lena cries, Kara breaks stuff. Typical kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while but I got so stuck writing this chapter. Spoiler alert, still unhappy with at least 2000 words of it...
> 
> Also warning for alcohol use in this chapter plus I might increase the rating to Mature.

“Now, Danvers, this is a real party.” Maggie whisper-shouted at her over loud music. Gesturing to the 6ft something hockey player chugging what seems to be a bottle of vodka (how?) and smirking.

Alex scoffed. 

“Alright, Sawyer. I’ve been on the lacrosse team a year.” With a smug face. “I’ve thrown more insane parties than this.” It wasn’t much of an exaggeration. Sort of. The year prior she blended her own alcoholic concoction in the lab that took the memories of an entire spring break away from the Chemist society. Alex wasn’t even apart of that club but they appreciated her creativity - despite not inviting her back. 

If anything she was too hardcore. Maggie knew nothing.

Apart from how to make her heart skip a beat as she gave her a challenging look. Alex tried not to collapse sober.

“Think you can take me then Captain Lacrosse?” The nickname was not creative or funny but Alex laughed. God, she must like Maggie. Fighting off panic, she downed her JD and coke before leading the way to the make shift drinking game.

_

Across the room, Kara was making Lena laugh. Hard.

Lena was just drinking some fancy cider whilst Kara nursed a pint of water. 

“She literally skipped work for a booty call?” Kara laughed at her own anecdote, nodding.

Lena took a sip. “My hero, Lucy Lane.” Kara’s laugh died down as she looked down. Somehow hearing Lena compliment Lucy made her feel awkward.

“Anyway…” Kara looked toward the crowded room. Looking back at Lena, she smiled again. How could she not? 

“Who’s party is this? Officially? I feel like your name is just the brand.” Kara teased Lena, nudging her side with her elbow. The contact made both their hearts flutter. 

“Well,” Lena looked around, seemingly finding a face. Pointing to a girl with short brown hair and a leather jacket over a polo, Lena rolled her eyes. “That girl over there - Susan - “ Lena snorted. She continued. “Sorry Susan is just the gayest name ever.” 

Kara was stuck for a second, not knowing what to say. Was she allowed to joke like that? Did it matter? 

“Anyway,” Lena swallows a sip of her drink. “Susan over there, is sort of the party master.” Seeing Susan slut drop for the fifth time since having their eyes on her, Kara believed it. “She ropes us all into it. She’s captain of the hockey team and last year she founded the rugby team.”After a thought. “Although she left it for hockey. The hockey team had the girl of her dreams as goalie so she just had to move.” Lena rolled her eyes again, as affectionately as ever.

“Hmm,” Kara just nodded. 

Suddenly she asked. “Did she get the girl of her dreams?” For some reason Kara was blushing, looking into Lena’s eyes. Briefly she thought of how Lena must be so many’s dream. Was Veronica Lena’s?

No, they weren’t even in a relationship. Lena said she didn’t want to be near her. Only because she couldn’t keep her hands off the girl. Kara may have felt a surge of discomfort at the thought. Luckily, Lena’s voice disrupted her.

“The girl of her dreams was straight.” There was a matter-of-fact way in which Lena said this that Kara couldn’t ignore. Followed by a subtle. “It happens.”

Kara felt sympathetic towards Lena in that moment, it seemed like she knew the feeling all too well. It broke her heart a little. 

“Anyway, lesbian drama is not touching this party until at least midnight so lets go watch your sister destroy everyone at shots.” Lena wiggled her shoulders. Oddly excited for the show.

“Sure, I guess…” Kara followed Lena’s lead after Lena took her hand.   
_

Arms above her head, Alex flexed as she cheered. 

“Suck it, Sawyer!” 

A chorus of “Drink!” was directed at Maggie.

Kara was a little shocked but Alex’s bright attitude made her as proud as she was anxious.

Someone behind her shouted “Take off your shirt!” as everyone laughed. They got a “Calm down, Karen!” from Maggie.

Kara had never seen so many women just having fun in one place. There were some guys scattered around, shouting with the crowd and laughing too. Overall, it was a much better atmosphere than the last party. Lena was with her the whole time and Alex was having the time of her life. Getting used to the loud music was worth watching Lena cheer and Alex smile.

After finishing her drink, Maggie crushed it on the makeshift beer pong table. 

Gesturing at Alex with a challenge. “You think you’ll beat this danvers?” There was a cockiness that Kara appreciated. It almost rivalled Alex’s competitive side. She was glad they were friends.

Lena looked a little pensively at Alex for a second but she quickly got over it as Alex laughed at Maggie.

“Bring it, short stuff!”

Trash talk was never poetic.

Beer pong lacked sportsmanship it seemed as Maggie threw the ping pong ball into a bystander’s drink instead of one of Alex’s. Kara was opposed but Alex just grabbed the drink and downed it. 

Placing it back into the person’s hand, Alex winked at them before turning back to Maggie. 

“You’re gonna have to do better than that…” Maggie just scoffed. 

After a while, Kara was just worried. As someone who didn’t drink alcohol and could not feel its effects, she didn’t know whether this was safe for her sister. Alex seemed put together still though, despite throwing an empty can at a stranger and lifting Maggie onto her shoulders. 

Okay, that was obviously reckless behaviour but Lena didn’t seem to notice. Surely she would intervene if Alex was going too far. 

Eventually the game was over and Alex was the winner but her and Maggie decided to have a dance off instead, getting lost in the crowd of people. Alex did take off her plaid shirt as “Karen” previously requested but luckily a tank top resided underneath. 

Kara let out a breath of relief and decided to dance too. Lena looked carefree as she moved her hips to the 90s track. She was wearing a distressed crop top that stopped above her stomach showcasing some punk design and red leather trousers with black heels. The change in her demeanour was mesmerising. Her eyes were downcast as she smirked and moved close to other dancers, smiling at some and breaking her dance routine to half grind on them whilst mouthing lyrics. Kara just awkwardly moved her hips as she couldn’t take her eyes off Lena. Lena’s quick heartbeat entranced her. 

She looked wild, as did Alex, dancing beside Maggie, both adorning competitive dance poses, stopping to giggle at each other in between. There was a glint in Alex’s eye she hadn’t seen since her sister’s best friend Vicky was still around. No one had ever made Alex look that happy since. 

As selfish as it was, Kara couldn’t help question why she didn’t feel the same. Even as Lena gestured towards her dramatically during the chorus of “Toxic.”, she felt out of place. She thought being here with Lena and Alex would help but she needed to have a break. She wasn’t any fun like this. 

Communicating to Lena that she was heading to the kitchen, Kara batted off any worried questions before smiling through it, gently making her way through the crowd. Luckily this party was smaller than the last she’d attended. 

She stuffed some peanuts in her mouth (some meaning like twenty-five) and tried to help her mood. Food always helped. Thinking about Lena, she realised dancing with her was probably the most fun she’d had in a long time. It was easy. Except something was nagging at her. She felt like an outsider, even more than usual. It felt like she could never feel what Lena and Alex felt, that confidence to just have fun with those around you. Was it the alcohol? Probably. She’d never wished to be Inebriated more. Which was likely an unhealthy thought. 

Kara sighed, putting a pile of Pringles in her mouth. 

Then a boy walked up to her with a beer in his hand. She’d never seen him before but he looked at her like they’d met. 

Putting his drink on the counter beside Kara, he sidled up to her. 

“Hey, have we met before?” There was a goofy confidence in his voice. If that made any sense. He looked like the guy Alex went to prom with. Kara never liked Alex’s prom date. 

Shaking her head, Kara focused on her snacks. Still being polite she replied. 

“No, sorry, I just have one of those faces.” 

He continued speaking. 

“Well, that’s weird.” He smiled before leaning in slightly. “ I doubt I’d forget your face, beautiful.”  
Somehow this happened to her a lot. Getting hit on during inappropriate moments.

“Hmm.” Kara smiled politely but didn’t offer much else, not wanting to be rude. 

He leaned in closer, whispering to her now. 

“So, who do you know here?” Looking her up and down he smirked playfully at her but it just worsened her mood. “You don’t look like the type.” He stopped to take a sip of his beer. Kara identified his bad breath as a mixture of tic tags and cheap beer. He looked a little old to be there. 

“I’m here with my - “

A sudden arm was around her, not the stranger’s. 

“Girlfriend.” A confident Lucy stood by her, smirking. Daring the man to say more. 

Kara was speechless. Lucy somehow surprised her - the girl with super-hearing - and then told a stranger Kara was a lesbian. Well she could be bisexual in this scenario but still. 

What was happening? 

Looking to Lucy, Kara didn’t know how to respond. 

“Does your girlfriend always interrupt you like that?” He leaned in closer. Kara put her hand on his chest and the two girls gave him a stern look. 

Kara was suddenly a little peeved that he had approached her so readily when she was trying to be alone for a second. It was unfair that even in a place she’d seen as free and fun just an hour before, there was someone trying to invade her privacy. Questioning her - albeit fake - relationship like he knew her.

“That’s none of you business.” Kara’s eyes were stern as she stared him down. “You shouldn’t invade strangers’ personal space.” She sort of felt like a child reciting this common sense to him but Lucy gave her confidence to tell this man to leave her alone.

The guy looked to them both before sighing and walking away, high fiving some dude across the room. 

“Sorry, Kara.” Lucy squeezed her shoulder. 

“Anyway, why are you all alone. Your sugar-mama is in the next room partying away.” Lucy raised her eyebrows. Despite not getting he clarity she wanted, Kara decided maybe it was time to head back to the party. Especially to avoid any more drunk boys. 

“Sugar-mama? What do you mean?” Kara quirked at Lucy’s wording. Knowing she was being teased but having no idea how.

Lucy just rolled her eyes. “Lena, your new rich gal pal you seem to spend every day with.” Lucy winked at her. The look in her eyes showed Kara it was just teasing but then Kara felt almost insecure again. This time about how people were viewing her and Lena. They were close friends. It was pretty soon but they just clicked. Kara wasn’t sure how she felt about others thinking they were dating. 

At the look on Kara’s face, Lucy continued. “Just follow me, your sister is out-shining you and me on the dance floor.” 

Smiling fondly. “I’ve seen how hard you get down at work, girl.” She winked and Kara was reminded of Lena. Then she found new confidence to join her friend and sister in having a good time, no matter what. 

_

Alex was having a great time. She could no longer taste the bourbon in her drink but it was a good sign, she was sure. Throwing her arms above her head, she made eye contact with Maggie for the millionth time that night. Several girls had tried to grind on Maggie but they’d been rejected for a solo move putting everyone to shame. After being broken up with, getting down with random girls probably wasn’t Maggie’s priority that night.

A part of Alex’s brain told her Maggie would want to dance if Alex offered. Somehow they’d gotten closer throughout the dancing session. Alex was overheating at the proximity. It felt like they were the only two people there. Something about the way Maggie moved made her brain shut down. All she wanted was to put her hands on Maggie’s hips and dance against her. The fact she didn’t immediately oppose the idea either meant maybe Lena’s words earlier had helped. 

Kara came over with Lucy. They’d gotten drunk enough times together for Alex to feel comfortable cheering at her arrival. Forgetting Maggie for a second she shuffled close to Lucy, dancing and laughing with her as she spotted the two shots in Lucy’s grip. Lifting her eyebrows, Alex smirked and grabbed one to down. It was tequila; no chaser. 

Alex didn’t cough, though. Alex Danvers never choked on a shot. 

Maybe not the best attribute in her sister’s eyes.

Kara had a brief look of concern before the song changed. It was “Teenage Dirtbag”. Alex had made Kara dance with her to this when they’d first became sisters. Although Kara didn’t always appreciate her taste in music, this was a classic and they belted it out together. Maggie shuffled over to Alex, playing air guitar as Lucy head banged at inappropriate points. She was gone.

Singing along to the lyrics, Alex thought about how much she related to this as a teenager. The unrequited love of a girl out of your league. She looked at Maggie, thought of Vicky. 

She felt that panic she always faced at this line of thinking before Maggie grabbed her hands and put them around her neck, giving her a challenging smile. Maggie’s hands were on Alex’s hips and all points of contact burned as they danced against each other. Any shame left Alex at the feeling of having Maggie close to her. She even forgot Kara was watching as she lost herself in Maggie. 

Lucy wolf whistled. Jumping up and down and singing the wrong lyrics to the new song playing. 

_

Lena was in a makeshift mosh pit at the other side of the living room. They were somehow moshing to Hayley Kiyoko. She wasn’t complaining as everyone bumped each other.

Then she felt hands on her hips, a body pressed into her from behind. It wasn’t anything new so she wasn’t immediate in her rejection. 

They whispered in her ear and she gasped. 

“Hey, Luthor…” The raspy yet sickly sweet voice of Veronica Sinclair got under her skin every time she heard it. It also turned her on, by association. She typically heard it when she was naked in a bed with her so she could forgive herself for not pushing Veronica’s hands away. 

Her hands were now on Lena’s stomach as Lena smirked to herself, shivering at the contact. 

“I like your outfit.” Lips, assumedly painted some dark luxurious colour, nipped at the skin of Lena’s neck. 

Laughing, lena replied. 

“Well, it’s staying on I’m afraid.” 

Veronica may have been insanely attractive but Lena’s room was likely bugged and there could be a spy at the party so she shifted away from her. Tempted but smart enough to know it wasn’t a good idea. No matter how sexually frustrated she was. Lena went back to dancing alone.

Scoffing, Veronica grabbed Lena’s hand firmly but not aggressively. Pulling her in, Veronica gave her a teasing look.

“Did you find some poor girl to put up with you longterm?” It was snide, Veronica knew that. This was why they didn’t date. Veronica was despicable.

Lena led Veronica away from the crowded spot, heading to the corner of the room. 

Giving Veronica a look of annoyance, she spoke. 

“No but my mother is having someone spy on me.” Lena took a quick breath, looking down briefly before meeting Veronica’s eyes. “I can’t afford to fool around with you.”

Veronica looked thoughtful briefly. 

That was never good. 

Biting her dark purple lip, the girl looked at Lena like she was ready to devour her. 

“Did Lillian appreciate our indiscretion?” There was mischievous glint in Veronica’s eye. 

For a second Lena was confused. How did she know?

“Excuse me?” Playing with her earring and looking Lena up and down, Veronica chuckled. 

“I had a poor boy take a snap of us to gift mother dearest.” 

Lena didn’t know what to say. Veronica wasn’t exactly her dream girl but they’d been through a lot together. Shared a lot about one another. She shouldn’t have been surprised, not like when Lex turned, Veronica was never ‘good’ but this betrayal felt almost like… 

Like heart break.

“Why? Why would you do that?” Lena was exasperated, hysterical. As unkempt as Lena Luthor could be. Looking into Veronica’s eyes, taking in the smirk, she almost hit the girl. Thinking of all that Lillian had said to her because of what Veronica had did. Lena lost her freedom because of the one woman who made her accept herself in the first place.

It was atrocious.

Veronica shrugged. Pleased with herself. 

“But your family, you told me they wouldn’t accept you, Surely Lillian would have said something?” Did Veronica bring herself down too, just to play some game with Lena? Did she think this would send Lena into her arms? It was too much. Veronica didn’t love her, she didn’t love anyone. Why would she bother with Lena to this extent?

“Hmm, well they may not like it, Lena but I’ve got my own ways.“ Spitefully she continued. “Maybe you should try being your own woman. Get some connections.” There was an ugliness Lena had never witnessed adorning Veronica’s face. 

“Unlike you, “ She smirked. “My father left me a mother who loves me too much to kick me to the curb.” Examining her nails, she gave Lena an accusing look. “And I’m the only one to run the business with any brass. My sister is incompetent, despite her age.”

It didn’t explain anything. It seemed like Veronica outed Lena for fun. Maybe she didn’t understand the extent at which Lillian had punished Lena. What Lena had lost. 

“Well, you still haven’t explained why…” She was breathless. 

“To give you a big-girl perspective.” Veronica looked uninterested suddenly. “Lillian doesn’t have any power over you, the sooner you realise, the sooner you can join the rest of us.” 

Veronica didn’t understand what was at stake. The Luthors had more power in their mail room than Veronica’s whole family had. They could prevent any successes Lena had aligned.

This was just a game to the spoilt girl, somehow she thought Lena was a prize to win. 

Furious, Lena spat back. “You have no idea what you are talking about. Lillian will take everything from me.”

Tense, Lena pushed Veronica to the wall, unrecognisable as she spoke.

“Because of you, I have lost all semblance of freedom. You’re disgusting.”

Veronica lips quirked. Then she chuckled, entertained by Lena’s rage. 

Grabbing fist fulls of Lena’s hair, Veronica pulled Lena towards her, not to kiss, to speak in her ear. 

“You’ll call me when you find yourself alone and unloved. I know you, I know that you have no one.” She paused to smile to herself. “You push everyone who isn’t as fucked up as you away because you can’t take not fitting in. You only fit in with the crazies like me.” Her volume lowered as she pushed Lena back. 

_

Lena watched Veronica walk away. In her inebriated state, she felt every word hit her. Rushing to her room for privacy, she looked in the mirror. Feeling the pull of Veronica’s hands in her hair and hearing everything she said, repeated over and over. Overlapped with jabs of Lillian’s contempt. 

She was alone. 

No one would ever love her.

_ 

Kara heard everything. Her body shook with a type of anger she hadn’t experienced in months. If she wasn’t careful, it felt like she’d shift to another plain of existence. Torn between sprinting to Lena’s side - throwing Veronica through a window - and keeping her identity a secret. Hearing Lena’s quivering breaths, hidden in a crowd of drunken kids. None of them reaching out.

If she were to approach Lena in this state… she could hurt her. Controlling her temper was never her strong suit. What would happen if Lena found out about her or she got hurt? There was no coming back. She’s just have to calm down then help her friend. 

She just had to breathe, get it together. 

Clumsily Kara sped to the bathroom only just within human expectations.

She looked in the mirror, turning the faucet to splash water on her face only to crack the metal in her hand, panicking further, she ground her foot through the tile beneath and cracked the sink. 

Then there was a knock at the door as her thoughts spiralled. She couldn’t breathe, the walls were closing in on her. 

Somehow she was overheating, something impossible in a cool bathroom. Especially for a Kryptonian. 

Tears streamed down her eyes as she let go of the fragile materials surrounding her, collapsing and curling in on herself as the knocks invaded her skull. Sounding like explosions; deafening. 

This had happened before, when it all became too much.

There was no going back from destroying your friend’s bathroom. Water was spewing out of the destroyed sink. 

The knocking ceased, replaced by Alex’s familiar voice.

“Kara?” It was desperate but quiet as to not bring attention. 

“Kara open up, what’s wrong? You looked like you could flip a car.” 

Shakily, Kara let her sister in. 

As soon as the door opened Alex wrapped her arms around her. Suddenly sober despite her stench. Overwhelmingly bitter at this moment.

Alex looked around as Kara further buried her head in her shoulder, whimpering. 

“I just had to get away, Lena was crying and I was angry at the girl who said horrible things to her. I wanted to help her but Eliza always says never to let people see me angry and-“

Pulling back Alex looked at her.

“Don’t worry…” Alex paused “We have to leave before anyone sees.” Looking around, attempting to hide her alarm. “I know what Mom says. You did the right thing. Lena will be okay. I’m sure her roommates will check on her. She has… friends.” Kara didn’t believe Alex. Not really. She’d not heard anyone approach Lena. No one would help her. Kara would but there were rules. She just made a fool of herself, she couldn’t stay, Alex would never let her. 

“We have to leave right now Kara. I’ll tell,” Alex took a breath. “I’ll tell Maggie you were feeling unwell and I promised you could stay with me. “

Kara was pensive. Her identity was already creating a rift between her an Lena, just like everyone else. It was too much. 

“We can’t risk people associating you with foot shaped holes in the floor. Mom will kill me. Then you. Lena will be fine. It’s probably just college drama.” Alex’s efficiency was disheartening. It reminded Kara of how adult her sister was. She couldn’t even dance with her new friends without worrying about Kara being discovered. To cut her a break, she breathed deeply and lifted herself to allow Alex to lead her out. 

On the way her sister told Maggie she had to leave. It was rushed and Maggie looked shocked, before accepting. There was a type of tension Kara couldn’t identify. Maggie looked embarrassed. Her heart beat was erratic. Alex didn’t even stop to smile at her. This was all business, getting her sister out of the house, away from people smart enough to realise she wasn’t normal. Such a contrast to her carefree grinning before.

They were lucky everyone was drunk. 

Getting a cab home, Kara cuddled into Alex, still hearing Lena tap her fingers against her bed as she choked on quiet sobs; alone in her room. 

Guilt ate at her and she just wished she could crush it out of her thoughts. Alex had to warn her to loosen her grip.

Once again Kara thought of how she let her own identity cloud her responsibility as Lena’s friend. 

It was good she didn’t delve into heroics to the extent Superman did, she couldn’t even help those closest to her. Living two truths would always ruin any chance at a moral integrity. “El Mayarah" meant nothing when people couldn't even know you. When you couldn’t comfort them in fear of their safety, of your own livelihood. 

Lena was talking to herself, Kara couldn’t tune it out. She knew she wouldn’t sleep tonight, hearing repetitions of “She’s right.”, “I have no one.” Mumbled into a clenched fist by Lena. 

The urge to fly straight out of that cab and burst into her room was shocking. A little scary in its intensity but Kara had always been passionate. That’s why her anger had gotten ahead of her. 

The circling reminder of her retreat suffocated her. When they finally had gotten back to Alex’s, she’d not even noticed the cab stop. Alex told her how they’d handle any speculation or rumours as they got ready for bed. Kara was on auto pilot. Lena was asleep then. That was something. 

There was a look of concern on Alex’s face, hardened by an odd professionalism. This was her job, to baby sit Kara, the dumb alien who couldn’t control her emotions. Who panicked in bathrooms and feared breaking humans in half with a hug. 

She was a mess. 

Alex’s night was ruined too.

They lay next to eachother, Alex was still staring at her, searching for something. Probably some acknowledgement of her authority. Kara just thanked her softly before turning over and wallowing in her guilt. Hoping her thoughts died down. 

They didn’t and both her and Lena slept rough through the night.

Riddled with nightmares. Kara’s of breaking everyone around her.

Lena’s of being broken over and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave kudos if you'd like, also comments! Thanks for reading!


	7. I want to take care of you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Good old Danvers sisters sharing a lot of emotions with an added spell of Kara feeling too much too soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated in a while, I wrote most of this chapter a while ago but it just didn't sit well but I hope this is satisfactory

“Can’t I just go see how she’s doing?”

Alex span around, pointing at Kara, frustrated. 

“No.”

Kara groaned. 

“Don’t look at me like that, Kara. How are you going to explain how you know something happened?”

“Friends visit each other…” It wasn’t an argument she was going to win but she might as well fight back.

“Kara it’s 2018, we text. Knocking on someone’s door unprovoked is something five year olds do after school. “ Alex continued making her instant noodles, turning away from Kara. “She’s a busy girl she might not even be home. “

“So, I should text her?” 

Alex sighed. “What would you even say without being suspicious?”

“I don’t know, Alex! What can I say after ditching her for no good reason?" There was an anger underneath her words. Doing nothing due to fear was always difficult but the older Kara got the more pain she saw, the more people she didn’t save in favour of herself and it was crippling. 

For a few seconds Alex didn’t say anything as she served up her mediocre lunch and took a breath. 

“I’m sorry, I know it’s hard. I had to leave Maggie at a pretty important time too.”

“You were just dancing, you party like every day, I’m sure you can do that together anytime.”

Alex had to remind herself that Kara didn’t understand the significance before she blurted out something too soon. Leaving Maggie the night before was one of the hardest things she’d done. She feared that she wouldn’t get that chance again to be that close to being more than Maggie’s friend. For all she knew Maggie got swept up by a seasoned lesbian with enough confidence to bury Alex in the ground.

It was depressing. 

Reaching out for Alex’s arm as she sadly scooped noodles into he mouth, Kara gave her a concerned look.

“Hey, are you okay? I’m sorry, I’m happy you have fun. I wish I was as fun as you, even!” Kara tried.

Alex smiled. 

“It’s not that, just thinking about a project.”

“Is it to cure the plague because I’ve never seen you so dejected about something academic.” It was light teasing. Alex wasn’t the type to not go all in with school. She was a genius as far as Kara was concerned. By Earth standards anyway.

Alex gave an unconvincing noise. It could have been an attempt at a laugh.   
“Nah, just,” Quickly trying to get out of telling her gay truth. “They keep giving me…boring cadavers.” Maybe it was believable. Alex was competitive, she wanted a diverse education, hopefully Kara believed it.

“Wow, those meanies.” Kara laughed. She didn’t believe it but she wouldn't push. She was too tense thinking about how Lena would see her now to put a lot of effort into breaking down Alex’s walls. Especially if her sister was resistant to being honest with her. Hopefully in time she would feel comfortable enough to open up. 

Alex continued eating, an awkward silence overcame the kitchen until she was finished and washing her bowl. 

“So, when can I text Lena? I’d like to keep being friends with her rather than becoming a ghost.” This time Kara was calmer, knowing Alex was trying to protect her secret. 

Alex didn’t reply.

“I could just apologise for leaving early. I’ll blame you, say you got sick.”

The scoff she received in response cut through Alex’s responsible act to show her reckless side.

“Like she’d believe that.”Smug, Alex continued. “I can handle my drink.Lena knows it, the whole of the science department knows it. You’d do better trying to convince her that you’d left with someone.”

Spluttering, Kara shot back. “Excuse you, Alex! I could go home with someone. I just don’t want to.”

Alex laughed. “I know, everyone knows.” Then she laughed as she muttered. “…Prude.”

She got a slightly too rough slap on the shoulder that Kara repeatedly apologised for but it was worth it.

“I’m not a prude, I’m an alien. Parties are for friends, Alex!” Kara rolled her eyes. her sister was only teasing her but still, it struck her that there was some truth to her words. Kryptonians had strict traditions. Couples were matched genetically and mated for life in most cases. 

Her own parents had been an exception. They had met and decided that they were suited rather than letting a computer decide for them. It was quite romantic when you thought about it but it was scary thinking about dating with humans, their intentions weren’t always clear to Kara. She’d had to adjust to a brand new set of social norms and attitudes to promiscuity and relationships. Her people weren’t opposed to dating before coming of age but excessive promiscuity wasn’t very popular. 

Still, Kara held a firm belief in commitment therefore didn’t feel comfortable - if she was honest with herself - going home with a stranger. Not that she hadn’t been tempted in the past, at high school parties once Alex had left, boys started showing more interest. She’d had opportunities but something always stopped her.

Maybe she was a prude. 

Perhaps sensing Kara’s discomfort, Alex reached over to put a hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, from what I saw at Lena’s party, college kids may benefit from being a little prudish.” She scrunched up her face in a warm smile and Kara laughed. 

“Wow, Alex - ‘I’ve slept with half the soccer team’ - Danvers,” Alex glared halfheartedly. “I can’t believe you’re slut-shaming.” Kara laughed. The attitude toward one night stands that her peers had entertained Kara, it almost made her jealous that she didn’t have the confidence or freedom to try and have the same experiences as those around her. 

“I’m no slut-shamer and I slept with the goalie, he just told everyone something else because I refused to be his prom date.” Alex rolled her eyes and Kara laughed heartily. Talking about it reminded Alex of just how little she’d felt in comparison to just being close to Maggie and it made her remember that she was hiding something from her sister. It didn’t feel good.

“That guy was not a nice guy.” Kara looked amused. “You’re actual prom date was somehow worse though.” 

Both sisters grimaced. 

“Tell me about it. No one should get that handsy to Blue Velvet.” 

“I had better taste at least. I went with a group.” Kara was smug.

“I know. You went with the chess club, how did no one bully you after I left. You were the definition of a nerd.”

“Probably because I broke the arm of the biggest guy in school the year before. People were scared of me.”

Alex laughed at the memory.

“That does that. Did the chess team recruit you as their body guard? You can’t play so you had to make friends with them somehow.”

“The chess team just so happened to be made up of people who were also in the astronomy club.” 

“Right. That makes more sense. You know, Lena is like a child champion at chess.”

At Lena’s name, Kara was intrigued but the tension regarding her previous ban on contacting Lena was settling once again. 

Casually, kara continued as if she wasn’t itching to use her super speed to text her friend.

“That’s interesting.”

“Yeah she could beat anyone. When the hype from the party has died down a bit, you should get her to teach you so you won’t be so terrible.”

“Yeah,” Kara looked anywhere but at Alex, now uncomfortable. Talking about Lena with her, about their time together was suddenly weird.

A ding interrupted the silence. 

Looking to her phone, Kara tried not to look suspicious as she hoped Lena had reached out first. 

Alex could let her reply. 

“If it’s Lena don’t reply. She might mention the bathroom and you are the worst at making excuses.”

“It just says that she’s sorry for not saying bye last night.”

Looking at Kara, slightly concerned, Alex spoke slowly.

“I know I was the one who wouldn’t let you talk to her, but what happened that made you so mad? Some girl made her cry?” It wasn’t intended as patronising, it was just odd that Kara had reacted so poorly. Drunk people had arguments and they cried, it was standard practice and Kara didn’t break a sink every time it did. 

Kara was quiet for a second, scared Alex may think her silly for reacting as she did but Lena went through a lot of hardships in the last few days because of what Veronica did. It just infuriated Kara.

“Um, I don’t know whether I should share it all with you. It’s not really my business, I just have super-hearing.” She sighed as Alex shrugged. “Her friend - I guess - just said some horrible things to her and she was-she was so upset, Alex.” A sincere look took over Kara’s face.

Thinking about Lena’s breakdown even now, how Kara couldn’t be there for her made her shake slightly with growing anger. At herself, for not being careful, for having this secret identity and at Veronica, for hurting someone like Lena who’d sat with Kara and talked to her when she was upset, for no other reason than her own compassion. Kara couldn’t even return the favour;

Reaching for her hand, Alex spoke softly. 

“Hey,” Kara calmed slightly, taking a breath and looking at Alex. “She’s a strong girl. I know - well I don’t know exactly how you feel - but I know you find this difficult, hiding from people you care about. Hang in there though, Kara. Lena’s strong, be there for her when you can but not everyone can always be there. She understands that.”

“Except I’m probably one of the only people in the world who can always be there.” It was solemn and self depreciating. Making Alex sigh. Kara just continued. “I had to go home last night hearing my friend cry herself to sleep when I could have helped her but I let myself lose control. How am I going to be there for people, how am I going to be a real person on this Earth if I can’t even defend my friends? When I can’t even give them a hug because I’m too- I don’t know - reckless? Pissed? If I can’t be there for them what’s even the point in me being around?”

Alex bit her lip, looking away from Kara, contemplating something as her sister stared at her distressed.

“Well, you can be there for them. You have in the past.” Giving Kara a pointed look, Alex continued. “You’ve been there for me. Why is this so different?”

For a second Kara thought about what her sister was asking. Scared briefly that she was insinuating that Lena meant too much to her, she decided that that wasn’t right. Alex knew this was about more. She must know that being an alien was infuriating. 

“You know why it’s different!” It came out harsh and Kara stood. if her hands had been on the counter it would have cracked.

“I’m- I’m done with this life. With lying to protect people only to end up hurting them. You should understand that. I saved two people the other day!”

Alex took a breath before replying sternly.

“You think I don’t understand? I want you to be happy and badass, fighting bad guys and saving damsels in distress or whatever the equivalent is.” Both looked away briefly at that before Alex moved on, pointing a finger in Kara’s direction. “You’re my sister. I see how lonely you are and I’ve feel that isolation. Protecting you put me in that position. I want both of us to live our lives!”

She looked into Kara’s eyes, adopting a sombre tone. “But you know that we can’t have that. You know that so we have to deal with it and support each other and just-just try to fit in.” Her voice broke at the last words. No tears came but Alex averted her gaze, fearing Kara’s expression would break her.

Kara sighed, staring at her feet.

“I’m sorry for making this more difficult…I just feel so guilty and-and I don’t want to disappoint you or Eliza/” Kara broke down and it was lucky they were the only people in the house as the sisters just stood in an emotional huddle for five minutes. 

Alex shushed Kara before separating, her hands still on her shoulders, comforting. Alex contemplated a way to improve Kara’s mood whilst remaining rational.

“Text Lena later. Let her mention the party. I just want you to be careful, okay?” Her resolve was broken as she allowed Kara to have what she wanted. Choosing to trust her sister for once rather than letting the responsibility bestowed upon her to dictate Kara’s actions.

Despite their disagreements, Kara was grateful, after everything she’d lost, to have Alex supporting her. 

She couldn’t ask for more.

Nodding and still teary, Kara replied. “Yeah, of course.”

“You know I think she’ll be good for you. She’s…she’s been there for me a lot and I’m glad you have another person to talk to.”

Kara gave Alex a small smile as she thought of the safety she had already felt with Lena despite not knowing her for very long.

_

Later that night, Kara couldn’t sleep. She didn’t feel like she had the right to text Lena - despite having Alex’s permission - the same doubt about her secrets, what they meant for those around her and insecurities about fitting in struck her again. Alex’s voice bouncing around her head in attempted reassurance. 

Her head was going crazy and when this happened it seemed like the whole city was calling out to her. Nights like this were usually where she’d sneak away to fight the good fight somewhere. It wasn’t clear who she was sneaking away from, Alex didn’t even live with her anymore.

This time, to save her some guilt at disappointing Alex, Kara focused on her phone. She abandoned her own insecurities to text Lena back. Not replying felt stupid after having argued for the right with Alex.

Kara: Sorry, for not texting earlier, I was sick all day! Don’t worry about last night x

The kiss felt like too much but Kara ignored it. She always texted like that.

Lena took longer than usual to reply (two whole minutes) and Kara was sweating. 

Lena: I heard you felt rough. Did you have a good time though?

Considering the night Lena had had, the fact she cared more about how Kara felt was insane. It made Kara feel a little lighter.

Kara: It was great.

Before overthinking it, Kara continued.

Kara: Did you? 

The beat she’d waited for a reply killed her. She could feel every speck of dust in the air, hear every whoosh of wind as she tried to calm her heart. Kara wasn’t sure she was more scared of the truth or a lie. If Lena lied, Kara wouldn’t be able to help her and if she told the truth…

What if she still couldn’t help her?

Lena: It started out great.

Kara’s breath caught in her throat.

Lena: Then V came to start trouble. I’ll tell you more about it when we hang out. <3

Replying was difficult. On one hand she was impatient to give Lena every ounce of emotional support she could whilst trying to give her the space she needed. 

Kara: I don’t think I met her, sorry for not running interference! 

The guilt was real, Kara should have been there. She wished her conscience would sing a less difficult tune.

Lena: It’s fine, nothing prevents sleeping with someone like learning how little they respect you.

Lena: I’m getting too into it and this is something more therapeutic to talk about irl. Tell me one of your quirky stories to prevent any premature gossip xxx

Three kisses hit Kara harder than expected. It made her feel a little more relaxed talking to Lena. Somehow Lena just did that for her, despite not knowing her long. Her openness was refreshing. Although… was quirky a good thing? Didn’t that mean weird? Kara was weird but she didn’t want Lena to know that yet.

Kara: I hope quirky is a good thing ;)

Playing it off like she wasn’t out of her depth trying to impress the coolest person she’d ever met was the way to go. Winky faces were always infallible in these situations.

Lena: It’s cute. You’re cute.

And weird…

….So it’s perfect! xx

People had called her cute before, boys trying to go to dances with her, Alex when she saw her frilly prom dress and tried not to laugh - Alex could be mean - but this is the moment it seemed to matter. That’s what Kara’s blush and inability to sit still told her.

Kara: Well I know I’m cute! Obviously! I’ll think of a ‘quirky’ story for you. :D

Lena: I’m waiting…

The whole conversation was odd to Kara. They talked like this before but every time it made her jittery. Like she wanted to jump through a window.

…In a good way?

Finding a story was difficult, There was pressure to impress Lena and make sure her cuteness level was not affected. Kara decided not to acknowledge how much Lena’s opinion had mattered to her. Then there was the issue of not sounding too alien. 

Kara: This is a lot of pressure! 

Kara bit her lip as she tried to think of what would make Lena smile about her day. Then she got distracted thinking about Lena’s smile for a while before actually replying.

Kara: I saw a dog earlier that I initially thought was a new type of squirrel?

Is that good enough for your high expectations of me?

Lena: I guess so. I didn’t mean to put pressure on you ;)

It’s a good thing you aren’t a biologist with those observation skills lol

Kara: Har har….

If this conversation was in the flesh Kara likely would have let slip the fact there weren’t many dog like creatures on krypton and squirrels were relatively new to her. Texting was a god-sent.

Kara: So when should we hang out to discuss your recent… “break up”?

Maybe that isn’t the right word but still… when is venting friend time? x

Her chest became tight. Lena had literally just told her they’d hang out soon and she was still expecting a rejection. She’d almost not bothered to ask. Such cowardice was stupid in this situation. Friends hung out. She needed to not be so attached this fast. Lena was just very cool, it was hard to expect her to want Kara as company. Even when she explicitly mentions it.

After an exasperating five minutes. 

(Kara had super-speed, five minutes is a long time for her.)

Lena: Well I’m free tomorrow afternoon if you are :)

I mean I’m never free, an engineer’s work is never done ;) 

But let’s meet at Blank Brisket tomorrow at four. I’ll send you the link xx

Kara just sent a smiley face and a thumbs up before Lena texted that she’d decided to go to sleep. 

Laying in her own bed, Kara closed her eyes only to find she could hear shuffling. If she was less experienced she’d think someone was in her room but it was just her super-hearing. The fact irked her, she had a grasp on her powers mostly, enough to not listen in on people by mistake anymore. In College it had definitely become a more dire power to keep a lid on. 

Now though every time she closed her eyes she centred back in on the rustling and grumbling of someone. After a moment she realised it was Lena. Maybe tinkering with a project or something. Definitely not sleeping. Lena was right, she didn’t really let herself take breaks. It was almost flattering that Kara (alcohol too she supposes) held an exception to the rule. That didn’t interfere with Kara’s worry for Lena’s well being. Did she just study and work all night? Was Kara still listening? She was and shouldn’t have been. Tuningb out she tried to decide whether there was anything that could help out with her friend’s insomnia. Maybe it was just tonight. Lena did seem eager to end their conversation which suggested she had important business. Business that wasn’t sleep. Kara could snap chat herself all cuddled up and snuggly. That would make Lena jealous at her cold desk.

Without room for regret she took a selfie wrapped in a fleece blanket. She didn’t need the warmth but she found the texture comforting.

Lena didn’t immediately reply and usually Kara would just go to sleep but she waited a few minutes to see if Lena would get her subliminal message to get herself to bed too. 

Instead she just got a pic of a random part of Lena’s room with a tagline of “Looking cozy!”

Kara could hear Lena scribbling away. 

With some boldness, Kara texted Lena again. 

Kara: I thought maybe you’d need inspiring to actually go to sleep x

The coziness is bait ;)

Hoping she didn’t step out of line with her concern, Kara waited a moment before a shocked emoji was sent her away along with a snap of lena cocooned in a thick blanket looking unimpressed.

Kara just replied smugly with a smiley face and a heart. 

A sense of warmth washed over her at Lena’s readiness to take her advice, at the prospect that she’d helped her take care of herself. 

Even if Lena awoke at dawn with a vengeance for unsolved equations, Kara at least showed she cared. There was an overwhelming urge to want Lena to feel cared for. She decided to ignore the intensity of it. Opting to go to sleep, no longer hearing any frantic note taking from across districts.

Tomorrow she got to see Lena and that made her feel pretty great.


End file.
